When We Think God Isn't Listening

A dear friend passed away this week from that terrible, nonsensical, and random jackal called Covid.  It could have been from anything – cancer, an accident, any diagnosis one can think of.  It doesn’t matter what it was.  The bottom line is that this dear, good, kind-hearted and anointed man of God is gone.  He had so much left to do.

We believe that God can do absolutely anything.  We know He can.  And yet He chose to call our friend back to be with Him and not with us.  And I have to say, it hurts.  

We have all been here.  We wait on God.  We expect a miracle.  With everything in us we pray, we believe that it will happen.  Sometimes, it seems that He’s not listening. 

From around the world, people were praying, fasting, decreeing and declaring that a miracle would come, and he would be healed.  The truth is, miracles did come.  They were amazing, and not insignificant things that happened throughout his time of being ill.  They gave his family, and his many friends, hope that everything was turning around.  That he would fine.  That there would be an added testimony to his already extraordinary life. 

But it wasn’t to be.

How do we reconcile the gap between what we expect of God, and what we must accept as being His will?

It doesn’t matter what you are believing for.  It could be anything.  It could be a present need, or an old war wound that you got in the Battle of Life a long time ago.  It is always on your heart, always in your prayers, and you expect to witness God move and make it right.

He gives us so much that is beautiful, so much that is wonderful and enduring – all that makes life worth living.  But in everything, like roses, there are also thorns.  No life is perfect. We all have blessings and challenges mixed together.  We see our faith manifested in countless ways, but in these are also disappointments and hurts.

There is mystery in the Miraculous.  We don’t have the ability to predict how God is going to work things out.  We can only believe that He will.  

And He does.  It’s just not always in the way we want.

I was reminded recently how our babies are born to us, so fresh from Heaven, and their personalities are already evident.   You can look into a baby’s eyes and already know so much about their capacity to love and be kind.  God created them this way.  We can’t know or understand how God does it, but babies come to us already anointed in His gifts and purpose to fulfill in this life.

And so, when God takes back to Himself someone that we love, isn’t the mystery the same?  We are grieving but He is celebrating that our loved one is back with Him and no longer limited by their body.  Just as He sent them to us, they go Home the same way.  We just can’t fully understand it, but there’s a place for all of us to live out our purpose in Eternity too.

All the foolish, needless things we get bent out of shape about.  All the things we do that we think will somehow make our lives better, more exciting, more fun – we burn bridges and get offended and hurt other people because we think we are justified to do whatever our egos tell us we can do.  

We have it backwards. 

It really is a matter of life and death.  There is a purpose on both sides of the equation.  What matters is that we take the million or so moments that we have on this earth to love, to forgive, to honor and appreciate each other, and to reflect Him in all that we do. 

We think God can’t see us, that He’s not listening… But He always is.

I don’t really believe that we are intended to rest in peace when we go back to God.  I think that our real work is not ending but beginning.  We are not meant to understand the how and why.  But when we return to Him, I believe He’ll let us know.

Make the most of every day.  He is always with you. 

You are loved even when things happen that we prayed would turn out differently.

Keep the faith and carry on.   

It Shouldn't Matter but it Does

Confession:  I am a bit of a John Mayer fan.  Talented and musing and brooding, in all the ways that make you feel like he’s read your diary, I can’t help but be drawn into his lyrics and melodies.  Yes, I know not all the themes – or the words – are righteous.  I definitely would not be so gracious if I were to learn that he is dating one of my daughters.  But hey, I’m just keeping it real here. 

On his new album, there’s a song called “It Shouldn’t Matter but it Does…” and this really got me thinking about how much we yearn for things we can’t control.  Maybe it’s closure of an old wound, an affirmation, a forgiveness from someone we know we’ve wronged.  There are many things we carry with us, putting them into our gunnysacks and trapsing through life, not realizing how heavy these things become over time.   They are the list we ruminate on inside our heads that begin with “If Only…” and end with “…then I would be happy.”

I don’t know what it is for you, but I have a few that I tote wherever I go.  Every so often I have to open up my sack and clean it out.  Maybe it’s a version of a story that I hold onto that I believe is true.  Maybe it’s a tendency of someone to discount me, or an unforgiveness that keeps me tethered to an old hurt.  Or my particular favorite, looking for the way things should be and not fully accepting what is.   All of these things zap us of so much strength and power. 

 They shouldn’t matter, but they do.  

What I’ve come to understand, is that we’re really not meant to just “arrive” at some state of nirvana where everything is perfect and lovely and without conflict.  We’re always going to be in a tug of war between good and evil, right and wrong, love and hate… We’re going to make mistakes, choose bad options, hurt people we love, and still manage to carry on when we have no idea how to do so. 

Maybe the point is, sometimes we put too much emphasis on things that shouldn’t matter, and not enough on things that should.  Like a good friend with a warm hug, the silent assurance that the ones who know you best see the good in you, and knowing that if you wait on God to move, He’s going to work it all out.

I’ve gone through seasons when putting one foot after the other meant telling myself over and over “I know you’ve got me, God…”  And I’ve been through many when I’ve felt unstoppable, blessed, and fully loved.  In all the time in between these two ends, is where most of life is lived. 

What matters to you?  

I ask myself this same question so many times in a day, a week, a year – What do I want my kids, my grandbaby, my friends, and my loves past and present to believe about my character, my heart, my intentions?   What do I want God to say of me someday when I meet Him face to face?   Do I want what is important to matter more than what is not? 

Of all the times I’ve failed, neglected something I should have paid more attention to, chose not to apologize for a wrong, mismanaged my provision, spoke harshly when a kind word would have been better… I pray God knows I need His Grace.

I imagine Him saying “It should matter but it doesn’t because I have forgiven you.”

Get out your gunnysack.  Open it up wide and dump it out.  Let the Son shine into it and clean up all those things that weigh you down that have long been forgotten and no longer need to burden you.  Put back only those things that are important, and leave out the frivolous, unnecessary things that do not add to what matters most.

Remember – as long as there is breath, there is hope.  We are all a work in progress.  It all matters, even when it shouldn’t.  

But through it all, God’s got you.  You matter.  And you are loved. 

Holding Patterns

Have you ever been on a flight that had to circle for a while around an airport waiting for the pilot to get permission to land?  Or maybe you’ve been stuck in a construction zone, and a man with a sign and a walkie talkie seems to hold all the power as to when you get to move along.  These can be frustrating moments…

What about the big things?  Times when your life is on hold… You are waiting for a test result to come back, praying through a difficult circumstance of a loved one, waiting for the tide to turn on a relationship… We feel barren, exposed, vulnerable.   The calendar turns and days wane into months, and months morph into years. These seasons are hard and go on interminably long.

I have a dear friend who reminds me of the saying “It’ll all be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”  It’s not Biblical, but then… Couldn’t you just hear Paul saying something like this while he was being held in prison? Or how about when he was shipwrecked on some island?  I bet he had something he quipped to himself as he wondered at how God was going to work it out for him.

I live my life by Romans 8:28 – “And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love him…”  I believe this, right down to my soul.  The hard part, however, has come with the understanding that there is no time designation in the Scripture.   Wouldn’t it be great if we could know how long it takes God to do this?   Are we talking days God, or decades?   If only we knew. 

We have all gone through times when we question if things will ever turn around. Circumstances and situations groan on, seemingly without progress.  We feel forgotten by God.  It’s times like these that we can become so burdened from carrying the weight of a need, a healing, or a resolution, that we can get weary.  I know… 

To be honest, this has been my truth of late.   It seems that in certain life issues, not only am I in a holding pattern, but my “fake it ‘til you make it face” isn’t exactly cutting it anymore either.  I feel my spirit ebbing in ways I could not anticipate.

And then, like Cher slapping Nicholas Cage in “Moonstruck,” I tell myself something that we all need to hear from time to time.  “Snap out of it!”  The moon hits my eye like a big pizza pie, and that’s it!  That’s when I remind myself of the amore of God and what He’s done for me.

God sees me.  He hears me.  He doesn’t mind that my prayers are the same ones over and over.  He knows I want to know “when” and “how” and “why,” but He tells me just enough to let me know that even though I don’t know these things, I do know “who.”  I know He is in control, not me. 

We can’t determine God’s time.  We can only determine by our faith if we are going to hold on long enough to see what He will do   He’s the God of miracles, and yes – He’s also a God of mystery.   Things don’t always happen as we pray for them to be.  People fall out of relationship with us, loved ones don’t always get healed, we deal and press through things we never signed up for… That’s life.  

But God is God, and nothing – absolutely nothing – is impossible for Him.

All we can do sometimes is pray and wait and pray some more until, in God’s way and His timing, it’s okay again in the end.  We just have to hold on and believe.

He does work all things together for our good.  That’s His promise to us.

Hang in there, baby.   He’s working it out… I know He is.

It’s only a matter of time.

 Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

I Thought You Knew...

Have you ever been surprised to learn something that everyone else considered common knowledge but you?  It’s an odd “just fell off the turnip truck” kind of feeling that makes you wonder what else you are in the dark about.  It feels lousy.  

Another similar experience is when you think you know how you stand with someone, but they just can’t seem to meet you in the middle and tell you how they feel.  They dance around issues and subjects to the point of frustration.  Things never feel resolved, and some really important statements never get said.

My dad was a classic example of a man who could say a lot of words, speak to the most obscure subjects, and yet never express what he felt, what he needed, who he loved.  This left those of us who knew him well, feel as though we knew him not at all.  And more than this, we felt as though he didn’t care enough to know us either.  Bless him… He’s in heaven now. And though he was troubled for many reasons not his own, he was still a good man. 

Perhaps it’s because of my dad, of growing up with a version of someone who lacked the ability to express himself, that I have taken the opposite route.  In fact, the reason I am even writing this should be illustration enough that I have a hard time not expressing what goes on inside my heart and head.  

I’m not a blabber mouth. I don’t necessarily share my personal story with just anyone.  Yes, I write and make connections with many whom I likely will never have the privilege to meet.  But what I am speaking of here, are of those whom God has blessed me with in life and deserve to know my heart because it’s the substance of what keeps us tied to each other.  

I tell my kids, my family, my friends that I am close to, that I love them.  I want for them to know that I am here to listen if they need an ear, that I’m in their corner, that I believe in them.  I never want it said of me that I didn’t encourage or affirm them in every way I could.  I will always be honest. To me, it’s as imperative as breathing. 

At any moment, something could happen and all the things I wish that I could say will go with me.  I couldn’t bear it to know that I didn’t apologize when I needed to, or that I kept to myself what I needed to say out loud that could have made a difference… To not offer forgiveness and grace, when it would mean so much to someone who needs to receive it, would be for me a sin. 

Being this way does not make me better or perfect.   It simply frees me from the burden of carrying around all that bitterness that gets heavier with time and ages us in ways we can’t comprehend. 

Thankfully, we have a Father in Heaven that can do for us what our earthly fathers may not have done so well.  He listens to us, loves us unconditionally, forgives us when we lose our way.  He doesn’t care how many times we make the same mistake.  I know that I mean something to Him because He doesn’t withhold His compassion and mercy from me even when the night is long, and the journey is difficult.  

There are things that I wish my dad had found the courage to say in this life.  And someday, when I see him again, it would be just like him to tell me what too many others do when we question if they care about us – “I thought you knew that I did.” 

We don’t need a greeting card, a holiday, a special occasion to say the words that are burning in our hearts to say.   We are not weak, or emotional, or flighty just because we say we’re sorry for something that we might not even bear any responsibility for doing but may have hurt or harmed another in some way.  The opposite is true – we are so much stronger, wiser, and authentic when we do.  The impact can be life changing. 

God commands for us to love each other deeply.   By word or deed, express yourself today.  Share the love He has given to us.  Don’t be stingy with your thoughts or affirmations with others who need desperately to receive it.  It’s simple, really.

What goes around, comes around.  Always. 

May your heart spill over in joy, and peace, and glad tidings in abundance.  Say it.  Do it.  Embrace it.

And, in case you didn’t already know, I love you.

And Along Came Allie...

It is said that some of the greatest gifts come in small packages.  Thinking back on my life, I would agree.  A ring, a new charm for an old bracelet, the key to someone’s heart… I can think of many.

But I am blessed to know of others, too.  The kind that come swaddled, fresh from God, eyes opened in peering curiosity to the lights and sounds and faces that stare down at them in wonderment at how beautiful they are.  Four times I was blessed to experience this gift as a mom, and now as a grandmother. 

It seems silly to even mention how fast time flies by us… But it’s true.  We are standing in grocery lines, holding on to carts as we watch our mothers count out precious dollars and coupons in their quest to keep food on their tables.  Before we know it, we are standing again, little ones attached to us as we try to do the same.  Now, I watch silently, prayerfully, my cart nearly empty in comparison, as a woman who can marvel and empathize at every emotion the young mother ahead of me is going through.  How quickly seasons come and change us.

You think you have lived through the peaks and valleys of life enough to share a perspective that comes with age.  We search for wisdom.  We seek understanding, peace, a settling of time and place so that we can no longer feel as though we’ve somehow missed something that we have to find.  

And then, God touches our lives and hands to us a gift so profound, so tiny, so powerful, that everything comes full circle, and we sit in awe at what He has done.  How could we be so lucky?  How can He love us so much?

This moment happened for me just over two weeks ago when my first grandbaby was born.  Alexina “Allie” Marie Daniels made her entrance into this world and into our hearts.  She doesn’t know yet how much she is loved.  She doesn’t understand that our family has increased in number only by one, yet exponentially in how she has expanded our joy.  She can’t possibly realize the impact her presence brings to a family in need of a fresh beginning. 

We clamor about our lives surviving, conflicted about our purpose, our relationships, our work… We don’t realize that our brows are furrowed in needless worry, endless justifications, constantly seeking a place to stand where we will feel relevant.  We carry with us regrets, shame, untidy endings that hang around our necks… We feel we need to explain our failures, running on a treadmill of wishing we had a second chance to do some things over.

And then, comes to us the tiniest, the greatest little package.  Our little Allie is beautiful, and wonderful, and precious to us.  Yet, she is only these things because, with her arrival, comes the very best God has for us all – unconditional love, hope, expectation for all that is good in this world.  She embodies what we all yearn for most – acceptance. 

Wherever you are in life, God offers all of us the same gift.  His own Son came swaddled in a manger so that He could give to us all the gift of knowing His love, His hope, His forgiveness.  

This world does a pretty good job of knocking us around a bit.  We become discouraged and afraid.  We lash out and make bad decisions.  We fracture our relationships and our possibilities because we are humans in need of a Savior. 

We all yearn for new beginnings and fresh starts and unconditional love.  

How grateful I am to know the love delivered to us by way of my granddaughter.  My heart is bursting… I pray that in your life you will one day feel the same.  But this I also know is for all of us right now:  God’s love, His acceptance, His promise to make all things new in your life, is a gift that is yours for the asking.  It’s free.  It’s precious. It’s ready to be birthed by His Spirit.

Open up your arms and receive it.  He knows all that you have been through, and He has a new life for you in Him.  Lay at His feet every hurt, every yearning, every need – and trust Him to work it out for you better than you could hope for or imagine. 

This gift is yours unconditionally – just ask Him.

I wish you peace and hope and grace.  I wish you new beginnings and fresh starts.  I wish you the greatest gift of all… Love.

A Tale of Two Islands

I wonder if you go here as often I do.  It’s so effortless to get to, but oh so difficult to escape from.  In fact, if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves marooned here for a time that brings neither comfort nor gain.  

These tropic isles look so inviting, with their lounge chairs and cute umbrellas.  Everyone is tan, slender, kind, happy… There is no fighting, no ill-will, just lovey dovey and hunky dory perfection.

When you visit this paradise, you get to choose – the Island of Used to Be or the Island of Should Be. They both cost the same price, and I’ll tell you – it’s steep.  

I wish I knew the reason why I so often run ashore here.  The truth is, both destinations are deserted.  No one still exists where we think we left them under the cabana of “Everything Was Wonderful Then.”  We want to believe that we can go back and feel the same feelings, surrounded by oceans of love and good tidings.  But for some reason, despite all our best efforts, we just can’t dip our toes in the sand and not feel blue.  Like a rip tide, we get sucked under and taken away.

Of course, the same is true when we step upon the pristine Resort of Should Be.  Everything runs on time, cars don’t break down, bills are paid in full and before the due date, people respond as we want them to when we call or have the need to convey our every intention.  No one gets hurt or fights or blames… And the best part?  We are in control.  

I think that in our quest for happiness, we imagine all the right scenarios that would make it so.  We go so far to conceive a place where the seas are calm and turquoise, the grass is greener, our loved ones love us back as intensely as we love them.  We are in search of destinations of perfection, and we think we can get there if only….

I don’t presume to know all the ways of God.  I can only share what my heart and expectations believe of Him, and what the Word and my experiences have proven to be true.  He loves us, He’s always bringing us forward, He’s there in the struggle as He is there in the moments of bliss. 

We can never go back and relive our lives, redo our mistakes, take away what hurt us or what we did to hurt others.  We can only take steps in the direction of reconciling these things within our own selves first, so that we can leave them where they are and start anew. 

We can’t help looking back to our Used to Bes.  And we certainly can’t affect our Should Bes by dwelling in them.  We have to take action.  We have to trust that God has a plan for us.  We have to do our part by first accepting what is and then moving from there one shaky step after shaky step. 

To be honest, I think what our hearts yearn most for is Peace.  Peace in knowing we are doing what we can, peace in knowing our hearts are open, peace in letting go of unforgiveness and bitterness, peace knowing we can’t live wishing for what was or for what should be… these are mirages. 

Peace comes in knowing that we aren’t in control, but God is.  

I don’t think you can have true happiness without first having peace.  And, once we have it, we need to offer it to others who need it too.  When we are filled by the Spirit of Peace, we are pliable, fearless, willing to go where God wants to take us.   Without it, we are empty, conflicted, closed, and unable to paddle away from those two deserted islands. We are living in our heads, and not our hearts.

Peace puts two oars in the waters of life and allows us to make progress without losing sight of where we’ve been while also looking to the horizon for what comes next. 

Keep paddling, girl.  Sometimes it takes a while to notice that the landscape is changing, and you are moving in the right direction.  It almost always takes longer than we plan and it’s natural to sometimes feel weary.  Just keep going.   

Peace is a not a destination, it’s a process.  When you find it, you will know it.  It’s a long way from the islands of Used to Be and Should Be… It’s where you will find your greatest joy, potential and healing.

It’s already in you.  

I wish you love… and Peace.

Epilogues

Like most people, I love a good story… Lately, I have been listening to a lot of historical novels.  I can’t help but get drawn into the characters, living as if along-side them through whatever harrowing tale is being spun.  A really good plot, the talent of a good narration, and I’m hooked to the point I hate knowing the story must come to an end.  But of course, they always do.

Kind of like life.  We have just so much time to live it well.  To say and do the things we need to.  To fix what’s broken.  To forgive and be forgiven. To make our mark and have it matter that we lived at all. 

I can’t help but think of my own life story.  If there is a prologue, it would be in the women of my family who came before me, who blazed a trail of sorts by their grace, their commitment to doing what was right, the way they loved each other, and were steadfast and determined in the face of difficult times.  They taught me and molded me by their example; their faith is stamped in my DNA.  To me, they are everything I aspire to be.

The middle parts of my story, would be about the people I have loved, the children I bore and raised, my disappointments and redemptions, the hopes and dreams that we all know and yearn to have said of us – that we made a difference, we did our best, that our endurance and kindnesses hopefully outnumbered the times we fell short.   I pray that my kids will say someday of me that I have walked my talk.

I am standing in a time where things are coming full circle.  My first baby, is about to have her first baby.  And though I can barely anticipate how this will change my life as a first time Gigi, I surely know very well how it will change hers.  Oh, the love… There are simply no other words.  This is when we get to see the fruit of our work come back to us, and the branches of our family grow and flourish with new expectation. 

The thing that I know about God, is that He is the Author of Life.  Like a good novel, there are bound to be conflicts, a hero or heroine, a villain or two, some good times and bad, and a yearning that draws us through to keep us turning the pages and believing that the ending will be good.   There are unexpected things that happen along the way, for sure.  But if we keep on trusting Him, He will guide us and give us the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other.   

I’ve lived long enough now to understand that the same things beat all our hearts. We want to be loved.  We want our faith in each other and in God to not be let down or discouraged.  We want to know that miracles happen and that Good will always triumph over evil.   We want to witness His hand moving in our situations, no matter how simple or complex they are.  And we want to pass this on to those we love. 

God wants us to trust Him for just these very things.

If you’ve ever read a good story that has an epilogue, it tells you what happens to the characters down the road from where the story seems to end.  It ties it all up, and keeps you thinking about the lives and parallels we all draw to our own reality.  Sometimes, these are surprising or just a natural conclusion to what we would like to believe would happen.

For me, living in faith is like writing our own epilogue.  We walk in the hope and knowledge that God has us and is working all things together for our good.  No matter what it looks like in the present, we will find strength and grace and peace.  We can trust that our stories will go on for eternity.

When we live solely for ourselves, we trade our happy endings for the predictable, shallow, and empty existence that has us never reaching our full purpose:  to give and receive love well.   We dwell instead in a life of unfulfilled expectations and regrets.  And when the full-circle moments come, we fail to realize that faith is the glue that holds us together when the world wants to pull us apart.  

That’s when we have to surrender to Him and be made whole. 

I pray that every day you recognize God’s faithfulness, His love and Mercy, and the blessings He has given you.  I pray that though times may be difficult, you can sense Him holding you up and working in your circumstances.  Your story is still being written… And it is beautiful.

Every little thing we do, matters.  Everything.  Our lives are made up of moments, little and big.  Make them count.

You are loved. 

Old Dog, New Faith

I have two dogs that I love.  One is our old faithful family dog, and another, a young adorable Chihuahua mix who is smart as a whip and can read me like a book.  

I was thinking the other day about habits and how much we run our lives on autopilot. Case in point, is when I let my elderly dog outside early one morning and he came in and stood right where he always does when he expects a treat.  We have this routine, he and I.  And right on cue, I opened the treat bag and produced what he wanted.  

I know this sounds like an odd parallel, but I drew from it a lesson that I needed in that moment. Sometimes, even our faith is rote; a habit we do without thinking deeply about it. 

Each morning, I sit on the same spot on my couch and read from my Bible and sip at my tea.  I might jot an entry in my journal, and remember everyone I need to pray for along with all the things I need God’s help with in my life.  It’s routine.  It’s comfortable.  It’s my time with Him. 

I’ve been praying for some of the same issues and people for years.  I’m sure we all have things we are waiting to see manifest.  But I had to ask myself, if I am still saying the words, do I still believe they will be answered?

God is pretty clear – He wants us to trust Him.  He wants for us to do what is in our hands to do and leave the rest up to Him.  The Word tells us to submit to Him in all that we do, and He will provide.   We want circumstances to change.   We want to see Him move. But do we believe that He will?  Or are we in the habit of keeping our expectations low so that we are not disappointed?

My point in this is to hopefully reignite an old lesson with new faith.  God is the God of miracles.  Yet, He is also a God of contrasts.  He wants us to believe without first seeing.  He wants us to be still, while also taking action as one does who has already received.  He wants us to be patient, to rest in Him, while also not relenting in asking Him for the things our hearts desire.   

For me, I find in the tension, a new awareness that I am to continue with my personal rituals while also being bold enough to say out loud, “I know You will do it, God!  I know You hear my prayers. Thank You that You will provide even greater than I can hope for or imagine.”

My old dog knows that I will take care of him.  He knows that I will feed him, that I will help him when it’s hard for him to get to his feet sometimes.  He knows that I will walk him, pulling him gently along because it’s good for him to move.  He knows that I will carry him up the stairs at night.  He trusts me… His care and wellbeing are dependent on me because he knows he can’t do for himself.  He just keeps on being a good and faithful servant. 

It’s hard for us sometimes to understand that there are things we just have to keep trusting God for because we don’t know how not to.   God sees this. He knows what He’s doing even when we don’t.  But I think He also wants us to step out, to knock a little more boldly at the door and ask Him for more than what is comfortable.  It’s not that we need to wake up God… but perhaps to wake up ourselves.  

We shouldn’t be afraid to anticipate more. We have a God who wants to show Himself mighty.  When we engage in the possibilities of seeing Him move in big ways, we start to notice all the signs and wonders that are already happening in our midst.  

It’s good to have habits of faith.  It’s good that we rely on Him to take care of us.  But sometimes, I think it’s also good to not just walk by faith, but to run.  To dance in the knowing that He can and will do more than we expect of Him, but we need to be bolder in that expectation. 

God is the God of the Promise.  Nothing is too hard, too complex, too impossible for Him.  

Be in the habit of asking Him – of expecting Him— for what is deepest within your heart, not just for what is routine.

He wants to surprise you with the Miraculous because that is who He is. 

Love and Blessings.

Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

When We Feel Hidden

Do you ever sometimes feel like you are invisible?  You do your job, you answer texts, you pay your bills, and – on a particularly serendipitous day – you get to go to Target.  

This is me.

I think of the contrast of my earlier life – my season of diapers and bookbags, of birthday parties and skinned knees… Life was a whirlwind, a steady diet of mac and cheese and spelling words and robbing Peter to pay Paul.

Times have changed.

I’m not old, but – hey, I’m not young, either.  There is still a whole lot of life yet, or so I pray there is.  I am proud of my accomplishments, namely the four kids I birthed and raised to adulthood, now all grown and thriving in their own lives and ways of being.  They are solid, good, God fearing people.  I couldn’t be prouder of them.

I remember when getting into a car meant counting heads, bucking car seats, and arguments over whether we listened to Barney or Raffi.  Now, I get in my car and decide – silence or Spotify?   And it is good with my soul. 

I guess what I am trying to say, is not that I would have chosen to be here – in the season of in-between. But it is no longer so glaring, so difficult.  I look at a mom now, her little chicks in tow, and I smile; I relate, I get the look on her face -- the scrambled way her mind is trying to figure out what in the world she’s going to make for dinner, and how much laundry detergent she has left. 

Sometimes, God seems to put us in time out.  He wants to teach us to be still – to listen, to absorb, to reflect.  The truth is, we are not that great at it.  We’re too used to TVs blaring, kids or others beckoning for our attention, our phones that never stop… We are harried and reactive most of our days.

I have come to understand, that this hidden, seemingly too quiet place, is good.  He’s not punishing me.  He’s not trying to tell me that this is all there is, and I better get used to it.  He’s telling me – whispering to me – the opposite.  

When we resist, when we fight the silence, when we fill our heads and our schedules with the empty calories of what is not good for us, we become anxious and afraid.  We are swimming against the tide and never getting where we need to be.  We think our lives are over.

I have learned that God is not hiding me, He’s preparing me.  He wants my heart, my mind, my spirit to be clear of things that might hold me back.  He wants me free from unforgiveness, from the remnants of hurts and sorrows that have no place in where He is taking me.  He wants me to understand that there is a reason for everything, even when we don’t understand it at the time. 

We can’t force these “knowings.”  We have to have to be made pliable, able to decern them when we are still.

Maybe you are still in the rigors of balancing your life responsibilities against a backdrop of beautiful chaos – a young family, a demanding job, a social circle briming over with fun and expectations.  Or maybe you have seen these days and are in a place where God is reshaping you and your life for what comes next.  

Just like Jesus was put into a tomb for three days, after giving His all, He came out from that hidden place made new.  His resurrection gave us life, meaning, purpose.  We would come to know that it doesn’t matter what our used to be’s looked like – we are forgiven, we are whole, we are alive in Him. 

Even when it seems that no one else sees you, God does.  He knows all that you have been through, and all that lies ahead.  You are never alone.  And if you feel hidden, understand that you are being transformed.  

I believe that God is working miracles in our midst.  He wants us looking forward, full of wonder, our faith and our hearts, strong. 

Be blessed in this season and be expectant.  God always has a plan and, no matter where you are in life, the Best is Yet to Come.

My love and prayers are with you.  

Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

Believing Again

Have you ever gone through a particularly long, dry season, where you are just coasting?  You are well, but you can say with all honesty that you’re not exactly stellar, but not terrible either.  You’re “fine.”

We’re always looking for that mountain top high – being in love, seeing our efforts and dedication pay off at work, watching our families grow… We love feeling that the wind is at our backs, and that God’s favor is in all that we touch. 

The converse to this, is when we are walking in the valley for a bit.  We are in a season of loss—a marriage, a loved one, our livelihood.   Maybe we are battling for our health, a relationship, or we are worried for someone we love that is experiencing hardship.  

We all know what each of these feels like.  

But what about the in-between?  What about those seasons where you are neither high nor low?  Perhaps you are simply on autopilot.  Life is predictable, routine, safe. 

I find myself here a lot.  I push out from the behind the curtain of mediocrity and wonder if this is just all there is.  I admonish myself for not seeking new relationships or adventures, for not spreading my wings and flying over new territories.  I exchange my faith for apathy.

I wonder if you can relate.

The problem is that too much of our lives are spent here.  We get comfy with our lot.  We somehow convince ourselves that this is all we should expect, that our best days are behind us, that we are on the clearance rack and no longer a hot commodity.  

To define it best, we stop believing for more. 

How do we believe again?  How do we reactivate our faith so that we can see God’s plan for us has not expired?  How do we pick up our heads and notice that we are at the base of a new mountain, and not dragging the floor of mediocrity?

I have come to understand that even in our dry seasons, God is still at work.  He has taught me to be still.  He has taught me to be patient.  He has taught me to understand that no matter how much I want to insert myself in the plan, if it’s not His doing, it will never work. 

He has taught me that faith isn’t just found in the high places or the desperate places – but it is in the in-between that he readies us for both. It’s in the in-between where He does His best work.

We spend too much time looking in our rearview mirrors.  It’s too painful sometimes to think that we will never know again our used-to-be’s.  But this is the very point – God is always restoring us in ways we don’t realize.  He takes us from mountain top to mountain top, even when we don’t recognize that the terrain looks different, because it’s supposed to be. 

This is what keeps me buoyed in still waters.  I know that God is not done with my story yet.  There are still hills to climb.  There are still miraculous and serendipitous meetings, conversations, healings, restorations, and relationships ahead for me.  He knows the plans, and just because they haven’t been revealed to me yet, I am expectant that they will be.

God doesn’t want us to stop believing for more.  He wants us to reactivate our expectations.  He doesn’t want us to coast, he wants us to grab the paddles and row in the current of His love for us.  

What we believe for, may take a while to come.  But if we stop believing – if we resign ourselves to apathy – that is surely all we will ever know.

No matter where you are on your journey, never stop believing that God is at work.  Don’t discount what He is teaching you in the in-between, and what it is preparing you for.  Be expectant.  

Keep rowing, girl.  New mountains are just ahead of you.

Serendipity awaits. 

 Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

Drawing Circles

Hello friend!  How are you holding up?

I’ve missed you… I pray these last few months have been kind to you, and that you are safe and well, and like me, you are eagerly awaiting Spring.   

It has been an interesting time since we’ve last shared together.  I am officially an empty nester, as my youngest daughter, about to finish her first year of teaching, spread her wings and moved uptown a short while ago.  In addition, my eldest daughter and her husband are preparing to welcome their first child, and my first grandbaby.  I’ve also been working on a new project, and its going well.  So many emotions, so many blessings. 

Life comes full circle again and again and again.  God’s hand is always at work, and we realize that nothing is random. 

Sometimes, we go about thinking our lives are linear.  We get up and go to the same jobs, live in the same house, love the same people… We think of life in terms of just one steady stream of events.  Some people dip in or out.  The background changes.  Our fortunes dwindle or grow.  We celebrate and we mourn.  

But I’ve come to see that life is truly made up of circles, not lines.  It’s a dance, and as we twirl, our faces change a bit more in the mirror from one year to the next.  Maybe we kick up our heels a bit less, or the music changes from fast to slow. But it’s always beautiful.

God has a purpose for each and every one of us.  We contribute as we go, and when we do it well, we get to see it come around again in our children and grandchildren.  We get to see what we have taught others, come back to us in the understanding that we meant something to someone… We get to see that love, like God’s word, does not return void. (Yes, even when it seems it does.)

What I’ve come to understand, is that you can’t break the circle.  It’s when we try, that we get into trouble.  What goes around, comes around.  Always.  So, when we are unkind, unfaithful, unappreciative… When we prioritize things over people and relationships, when we neglect our responsibilities, when we don’t say the things we need to say, the circle doesn’t break – we do.  Because it always comes back to us somehow.

The smallest gesture can mean the world to someone who needs it.  A five-minute call to tell someone that you care, can help them carry a life-altering burden through another day.  Choosing patience over anger, a compliment over a complaint, forgiveness over bitterness… All put into motion the same spirit of love that will arrive back at your own heart one day when you need it most.

Everything we do, is like dropping pebbles in a placid lake.  You don’t see the ripples forming into waves, but they are there, and they always make it to the shore.

God is constantly calling us into His circle.  He wants us to live fully, whole-heartedly, abundantly in His love so that we may give it out to others.  When we do life without Him, when we think it’s all about us and what we want, we draw lines that go nowhere.   

Draw big, glorious, goofy, fun-filled, happy circles, girl.  Give it all you’ve got.  Be generous.  Take a chance.  Say you’re sorry. Lend a hand.  Try again, and then again once more, to conquer a fear.  Tell someone you love them. Give that gift that God put inside of you the opportunity it deserves to grow.  Open up your arms and give a hug to someone who needs it. 

It is my prayer that you always know that God is for you.  Life is not always easy; we make mistakes, we hurt.  But we need Him and each other to keep the Circle of Life going.  

Even when you think it won’t make any difference at all, do it anyway.  

Just wait and see. Love, and life, always come back around.

Do it well.

A Note Regarding My Blogs ~ I will be publishing every other Sunday starting today. Thank you as always for your kind messages, love, and support.  It truly means a lot.  

A Message from Mary Bryant

Hello friend,

As 2020 draws near to a close, I have decided to take the next several weeks off from my blog to prepare for a new writing project. 

I am so very grateful for your following me, as well as for your kind support, comments, and readership.  I appreciate you all so very much.

Like you, I am excited to witness what comes next as we walk in faith toward new beginnings and what will soon be a new year.  

I pray that God will bless you with a renewed spirit, and a healthy, happy, and unshakable resolve to embrace all that He has for you.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 

I look forward to connecting with you again in January.  

Keep believing and know that you are loved.

Blessings, 

Mary

When Your Heart's Not In It

Maybe it’s a job.  Or a Chore. Or an exercise… Maybe it’s a relationship. Maybe it’s a conversation you need to have that nags at your spirit.  

We all have something.

It feels like you are just going through the motions, uninspired.  Worse yet, you look at everyone else around you and silently determine that they have their mojo intact.  You are the only one, it seems, struggling. 

I find myself here more often than I would like to admit.  

The problem is that this is the exact thing that the enemy uses to whisper in your ear about all the things that are wrong in your life.  It could be simple things, like “You don’t really think that just walking all those steps is going to change anything, do you?”  Or “What good is saying you’re sorry going to do? He doesn’t care anyway.” Or how about  “What’s the sense in working so hard?  Nobody appreciates it…” 

When I get in this place, when I find myself sitting atop my pity party stool a bit too long, I have to stop and give myself a good talking to.  Usually, it is due to the fact that I haven’t been spending enough time in prayer.  When I am just dashing off my list to Him like things I need to get at the grocery store, I am not grounded.  Everything I attempt seems off a step or two.

When we look at our lives, our circumstances, through the lens of faith, we can notice all that He is doing in our midst.  We have hope and expectation that — though things are not perfect — they are still blessed.  We are always in motion, always evolving, always transitioning.  How we measure what we have, what God has already done, determines our outlook. 

Everyone — everyone — has something that burdens their heart.  Nothing is perfect no matter what kind of shine people put on their faces and their FaceBook posts.  Underneath every rug, is something someone doesn’t want you to see.

My point is, when we turn our hearts to Him, when we pray and give to Him our sorrows and disappointments, He gives us Grace.  When we count our blessings, when we sense that He is at work in our circumstances, our countenance changes.  We are infused with the spirit of hopefulness… And miraculously, we are made ready to face our challenges and our daily tasks without lament.  

When we compare, we despair.  But when we expect, when we are grateful, mountains move. The enemy, and all those whispers, turn mute. 

This week, the Scripture, Matthew 16:26 kept coming back to me. “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?”  

When we are low, when we are led to looking at our life situations without faith, we make decisions that cost us.  We stop seeing God’s hand and presence in our lives.  We break covenants, we convince ourselves that there is better “out there,” we stop honoring our promises, our relationships, our integrity…. We give up and go after things that we think will make us happy. 

Little do we know that the road we are on leads only to a mirage of sin and utter devastation.

We need God to catch us before the fall. 

Maybe you are weary from all that faces you each day.  Maybe there is too much month left at the end of your money.  Maybe you are walking through life while still mending a broken place within you.  Maybe you are lonely…

Maybe your heart just isn’t in it.

Take some time today to just sit and pray and find your voice… Open up and tell Him all about it.  Ask Him for the faith you need to see that He is with you, changing you, healing you.  Know that nothing is perfect, but we are made perfect in His love.

His promises are true. Fill your empty places with His spirit and know that nothing is impossible for God.

Even the most desperate situations are transformed when we Believe Him for what comes next. We may just need faith enough to get through the next five minutes.  Or maybe you are in a season that has been long and arduous and there seems to be no end in sight.  

Trust Him.  He has not forgotten you. Lay it all down at His feet. 

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.  

Keep going, sister.  You are not alone.

Believe it. 

Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

The In-Between

Have you ever been in a season for so long that it seems hard to recall when things were different?  Our circumstances, thought only to be temporary, are now etched as if in stone.  We assume new normals that are anything but that.  We seem stuck between where we are, and where we want to be.  

I’ve been here for a while now. 

It’s odd, I know, but sometimes I narrate inside my head what people might say of me as they see me walking my dogs in my neighborhood “Oh, you remember her… She’s the one with all those kids… The one who used to drive that red Expedition… the one who….”  On and on.  I feel like I’m recognized more for who I was, because I am not yet who I am becoming in my new season.   

I’m still in the valley of in-between.

Truth be told, I’m still getting used to the way things are now.  Things have changed a bit. I no longer have to come up with four different Halloween costumes on a budget and do it the night before Trick or Treating. I don’t have to rush home in time to meet the bus, or dash a double box of Hamburger Helper off the stove and onto the table amidst book bags and homework piles.  

The pace of my life is decidedly different now.  I am decidedly different… And though I no longer have need to recite multiplication tables or quiz kids on their spelling lists in-between bites of oatmeal, my life is still busy.  It’s just not how I envisioned it would be at this stage.  There are labels affixed to me now that I could never have imagined before. 

I am almost an “empty nester,” “divorced,” and in the not-too distant future, one day I’ll be a “Gigi.”  Around and around we go. 

What I know of the in-between, is that we do not always see the measurement of our progress.  It happens to us so incrementally — a fear lessened here, a strength gained there.  We resolve and heal and prosper in little ways, and soon they add up.  We notice we lay awake at night just a little less, we smile just a little more… We accept hard things bit by bit.

The truth is, we don’t always go from glory to glory.  We have to walk in the valley to get to the next mountain top.  Sometimes we have to go around the same mountain for a while until we master the climb, until we learn what we are supposed to learn.  

All the while, God is working it out and working on us.  We are circling, yes.  But each time, we are elevating just a little bit higher.  

We are more than our circumstances.  We are more than our used to be’s, more than our labels, more than our mistakes, more than our heartaches, more than our successes,  more than our failures.  We are His.  He has plans for our tomorrows that are good, that will prosper us and give us joy.  

 We are being transformed even when we do not yet see it.

I know that it doesn’t always feel like it. I know that we would rather skip this step.  I know that the trials in the valley can be long and arduous.

But I also know that God is with us always.  He wants only for us to trust Him. He wants for us to keep putting one foot after the other and to walk in faith that where He is leading us will be worth the journey to get there.  

It’s in the in-between where we find our hope for what comes next. 

Know that even when you cannot measure it, you are making progress.  God will honor your faith, He hears your prayers, He wants you to lean on Him.

The way forward is not always straight.  It is found by looking up.

I’m climbing that mountain right along with you, sister.  

You’re doing better than you think you are.

Keep going.  

Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

Sow Anyway

As I write this, the first blush of Fall is in the air.  Everything in me seems to reset as I bring out my long sleeve, cooler weather whatnots and tie up the remnants of Summer.  I love this time, and I find myself taking inventory of all sorts of things that I still need to do to finish out the year intact. 

As the seasons change, so don’t we.  We hunker down, the pace of our lives changes, we become circumspect of where we are and where we are going.  We also can’t help but reflect on who is with us and who is not, what has worked and what needs a new direction. We make our lists and check them twice. 

One of the most difficult things to do, I think, is to come to terms with relationships that simply are not what we hoped for them to be.  We all have fair weather friends — those we know we can hang with, who are there when you are having a BBQ, but maybe not a breakdown.  There are family members and others, that our hearts pang to connect with, but the substance of their involvement tells a different reality.  

All of this causes us pause and prayer and evaluation. 

I don’t know if there is anything more painful than counting on someone that we love and have them turn away.  We have all had this experience in some form or another.  It’s devastating.  It shakes us at our core.

I have learned that there are those, despite how much we wish otherwise, that swim in the shallow end of our lives.  When we need them, yearn for them to come deeper into relationship with us, they will never do more than hang out on the edge, barely wading into the pool.  No matter what we do, how much we pray, this does not change. 

I have come to understand that people cannot give what they do not have within them.  

Jesus told the parable of the sower or the seeds.  Some seed fell on rocky places where the soil was shallow, unable to sustain itself.  Others fell among thorns, and were choked off and unable to come to its potential.  Still other seeds fell on good soil where it produced a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown before it.  

And so it is sometimes with people that we love.  

There is nothing we can do about how others act or sow in their life… All we can do is measure our own seed, cultivate our own ground, and be who we are called to be.

We can’t always be deeply rooted in every relationship.  We are not intended to be.  We are going to make mistakes, there are issues bigger than our ability to handle, and sometimes seasons will end and we must gather ourselves and move on. 

When we are faithful, when we look to God to supplement our lack, we can trust that He knows best.  When we do the right thing, He will honor it.  When we mix our seed, our intentions with His, we will produce a crop that is loving and kind and good regardless of how it is received by others.

Whatever we plant in love, is never wasted. 

Maybe you are yearning for a new harvest.   Maybe you are sowing seed but what you are praying for has not sprouted yet.  Maybe you are weary, no longer believing that what comes next will be any different than what you’ve known before. 

Keep sowing anyway.  

God is in control.  He is the God of miracles. He is with us in the shallow and in the deep.  He is there in our disappointments as He is in our celebrations.  He knows when our hearts break and when discouragement weighs us down.  He is tilling the soil of our faith, breaking up the hard parts, readying us for what is coming.

Your season is changing, and not everyone is intended to come along into it with you.  

Trust that He knows how it all works out and that it is good.

Sow and plant and pray and believe and don’t stop no matter what it looks like.

Your harvest is coming.

It’s all going to be alright.  

Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

Not Holding My Breath

I’ve been doing it again.  In the midst of stress, in the deluge of work and life, I find myself barely breathing.  I mean, yes, I’m breathing… but the shallow, constricted kind that happens when we’re under pressure.  My shoulders are knotted, my head hurts….  You know the drill.

Survival mode takes a toll. 

It’s been a difficult year for most everyone, I think.  It’s the kind of unusual circumstances that are oddly now normal, but more surreal than anything.  Always waiting for the other shoe to drop, a new way to do the most common transactions, socially hamstrung…. We are weary, leery, and blurry-eyed at what comes next. 

Maybe it’s this pandemic wearing on me, or the incessant political ads that accost us at every turn.  But it’s more. Every aspect of life has been a challenge in ways I could not have anticipated.  I am, like the rest of the world, believing for the best while bracing for impact at the same time. 

Back to breathing. 

I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to notice it.  I consciously remind myself at different intervals throughout the day to take a slow deep breath, and then again.  It felt unnatural.  Awkward.  As if I needed to retrain my lung capacity to full expansion.  The tension, the restriction so very evident. 

What does this have to do with faith? Everything.  

God breathed life into existence.  Our breath is the first thing we take in when we enter the world and it’s the last thing we let out when we pass through to our eternity.  It’s important.   We don’t realize the way we can be choked off from it in big and little ways.  When we are worried, when we are anxious, we subconsciously suppress our ability to do it well. 

Though not scientific, I believe there is a correlation between our ability to walk in faith and to sense Him in our circumstances, and our breathing.   

For me, when I’m so preoccupied with my life issues, I will pay Him only quick platitudes — rattling off my list of things I need His help with as I grab my keys and head out the door.  This is prayer, but it's not the kind that fulfills my longing to connect with Him, to hear what He has to say, to thank Him for my blessings.  As a result, I feel off, ungrounded, reactive. 

Think about it.  When does the enemy come to mess with you most?  When are we more prone to mistakes, irritation, unrest, unkindness?  When are we most susceptible to discouragement, even depression?   

When our faith tanks are running on fumes, the enemy comes and pushes us over the proverbial edge.   

I have a friend who reminds me often that “As long as there is breath, there is hope.”  I hold on to this, knowing that I will see God work in the most desperate of circumstances.  That in an instant, my situation can change.  He’s already at work, already turning it around for my good, already making a way where this is no way.  

All that is needed of me, is to keep walking and keep my eyes on Him.  

Through His breath, the Holy Spirit came so that we might have His power within us.  In His name, we are witnesses to miracles, healing, restoration, resolution, and renewal. 

Nothing is impossible for God.  Into dust, He breathes new life. 

It is the spirit of man, the breath of the Almighty, that makes him understand.  Job 32:8

I guess what I am trying to say here, is simple —  Breathe deeply.  Force yourself, remind yourself, count to ten and do it again. 

With each intake, thank God for something you are grateful for.  And as you slowly exhale, release to His care whatever is burdening your heart.  It cleanses your mind, invigorates your spirit, centers you physically and mentally. 

“Thank you, Lord, that you hear my prayers.” 

Try this three times a day. 

Whatever you are carrying,  whatever you are surviving, breathe in His promises, breath out your anxieties.  Breathe in His love, breath out your fear.  Breathe in His faithfulness, breath out your brokenness… 

May the Peace that surpasses all understanding wash over you and hold you and comfort you.

May you always know that as long as there is breath, there is hope. 

Everything is going to be alright.  

Just breathe. 

Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

One Face, Two Mirrors

Have you ever looked in one of those magnifying mirrors that shows us all the intricacies — all the imperfections —crows feet, laugh lines, and blemishes our faces have acquired in our years?  Honestly, I think these should be outlawed.  How can anyone unsee these things?  We walk around suddenly considering Botox, as if everyone else can also see what is exposed.   As if this is somehow bad.

Perception is everything. 

Our faces tell a story in the mirror.  We don’t realize it, but we are saying things to ourselves about our reflection.  My nose is too big.  I need to start that diet tomorrow. I’m ugly/pretty/old/scrawny/not bad/tired/happy/too set in my ways… I deserve more.  Nobody understands me. Of course, I’m alone… Look at me!

We cleanse and cream and pluck and cover and bronze our way through so that we are putting the best version of ourselves out to the world, but deep down, the narrative runs non-stop. 

We have other mirrors, hidden ones, that reveal our scars.  They reflect our failures, our hardships, our bad decisions, our “if only’s”… They show us things we haven’t let go of yet, our regrets, our losses, our unforgiveness.   They replay images and feelings, years after trauma or drama of childhood.  They remind us of what others have said of us, the reasons they chose to leave us, the untruths of why we are not enough.

These mirrors never show us our positive attributes.  They cause us to act and react in ways that cheat us from experiencing life to the full. 

Now, be still for a moment and take a deep breath.  

This is not how God created you.

God made you beautiful and perfect in His image.  He wants us to be looking at a glass that reflects His love back at us.  One where we are enough, forgiven, loved, whole, and hopeful… He wants us to be shaped by what He tells us, not the world.  

We all have scars and blemishes.  They make us who we are, but they don’t define us.  When we give them to Him, He will use them for our good, to form in us a new understanding, wisdom, and grace.  He doesn’t want us staring at a cracked reflection of ourselves, but instead wants to transform us in ways that on our own we could never think possible. 

We have the power to change the perception and reflection we look at and show to others. 

I can do this. I am more than what they see. I am loving and kind and generous.  I can stand up straight. I am strong. I can be authentic. I can forgive. I can start fresh… God has me and He hears my prayers.

One mirror reflects hope for the future, the other the hurts of our past.

What mirror are you looking into?

Be real with what you see.  Hold it up against the image of what God has of you.  Can you cast off the judgments and the lies of others, and see that you have done your best?  Can you recognize things that have been passed down to you that you no longer need to carry?  Can you accept that He has wiped you clean of the blemishes of sin, and you are made new?  Can you replenish your limiting beliefs with new ones that are open to loving others more, replacing your tendencies to think small, safe, selfishly…?

God wants for you to have a full and happy life.  He wants you to be healed.  He wants to give you beauty for ashes. 

All that you have been through does not make you less beautiful, it makes you more so.  Because you have survived it.  Because it taught you something.  It has given you wisdom, and it is setting you up for what comes next.  

The world’s mirror will tell you what you should be, can’t be, are not worthy of.  It will ridicule you and shame you.  God’s mirror reflects that you are already loved, adored, and enough.  The possibilities that He has for you are endless.  You just need to believe Him, walk along side Him, trust what He is doing even when you don’t see it yet. 

Can you sense it?  

Adjust your mirror to look at yourself in His power.  See all that is already in you to become and accomplish.  You only need to apply the foundation of faith, a smattering of expectation, a blush of perception that there is so much more to you than meets the eye.

Look closely.  Do you see it?

You are lovely, and smart, and victorious.  He has plans for you that will lift you, fill you, encourage you.

Perception is everything.  

See what He sees, and be that gal…

Because you are. 

Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

Don't Push It

I’m not fond of pushiness ….You know that “used car salesman”  feeling you get when you have been pushed to overspend, overcommit, or just plain give too much time to a situation when - down deep - you know you shouldn’t.

I have found in my own life, however, that I am also guilty of being pushy.  Not with others so much, as with myself.  I come up with reasons why I need to help God, why I want to hurry Him up because things just aren’t moving in the right direction fast enough.  Perhaps, I think — if I put myself out there, talk to this person, sign up for that — I can arrange things in an order that maybe, just maybe, I can step on the gas a bit.  A tiny manipulation can’t really hurt, can it?

There is a nuance here — I am not speaking to things that we should do in the normal course of life.  We are expected to move, to extend ourselves, to be open to others and to circumstances that sometimes cause us to have to stretch.

This is that other thing —that thing we feel we have to do because everyone else does, or because our friends tell us to, or because “things at rest tend to stay at rest,”  and so we push ourselves to something different. 

Maybe it’s a social situation, where you go against your instincts because you are compelled by reasoning to get out more, meet new people, rub elbows, join a club… Only to find you are uncomfortable. Empty. Ill at ease.

This happens to me — I start conforming myself to what the world whispers, and stop listening to God.

How do we know the difference between what you feel led to do, and pushing yourself like a square peg into a round hole into something that seems right but your heart is simply not in it?  When fitting in means changing aspects of ourselves, we are seeking validation from the wrong people and places. 

Sometimes God calls us to be alone for a season.  He wants us to be still, to press into Him, to heal. He wants us to be expectant that He is working it all out, even when there is no evidence of it yet.

I find that when I do the pushing, I am inauthentic.  I hate that “fake it til you make it” syndrome.  But when He is doing it, when I am following His lead, things unfold the way they are supposed to. 

Maybe you can relate.

The older I get, the more I seek to hear His voice.  The more I understand that there is nothing wrong with how He made me, that we all commune in different ways.  Some of us find more clarity and fulfillment in a long walk on our own. Others find it in a crowd or at a party.

When I am restless, doubt creeps in.  I wonder at the pace that I am going, if I will meet the right person or people, if I will fail at fulfilling my destiny somehow, or miss an opportunity that will change my life.

And then I realize…. The greatest moments I have ever known, the most serendipitous, the truly divine interventions, happened without me doing anything — it was all Him.  

If God wants you to move in a direction, He will nudge you there.  If He intends for someone to come onto your path, He will place them there.  If He wants to bless you, provide for you, intervene for you… He will do so.

Nothing can stop God.  

If He’s calling you to dance, dance.  If He’s leading you to run, run.  To take a chance, change a job, start a business, fall in love, build a house, plant a garden… Do these things because He is placing them within you.  He seeks our trust, our obedience, our faith.  He’s always teaching us, refining us, readying us.

He may be pulling you out of something, causing within you a hunger to break old habits and excuses, to be honest with yourself and to look deeply at things that have held you back, patterns of enabling, of denial, of numbing just to get by.

Maybe He is calling you inward, to reflect, to repent, to revise, to renew.  Perhaps you are called to silence, to fast, to be more prayerful.  He wants you fortified in His spirit so that you will be reformed and reignited in new ways that will bring you forward.   

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I don’t want to push it.  I want it all to unfold as He has designed it. 

This is when we witness miracles. 

Can you hear it?  He’s whispering to you now. You will know it’s Him because it is resonating deep within you.

Whatever it is He is calling you to do, have confidence that He has a purpose for it.

Your faith is all that is required.

Serendipity awaits.

Don’t push it.

Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

And Then it Happened...

Have you ever had a “Suddenly?”

I can recall a few. They are like scenes in a movie.  Something happens —someone walks in, or paths serendipitously cross, and you meet that person who impacts your life and you are never the same.  Or, there are the kind where you have a revelation or spontaneous clarity, and you make a decision that completely changes the direction of your life forever.  These are pinnacle moments that never dull with time.

Sometimes, they are less fortuitous, and even devastating.  The world seems to stop and we are in freeze-frame, suspended in disbelief.   Like when JFK was shot, when planes hit the Twin Towers in New York City, when you receive a call that someone that you love has died unexpectedly.  

Suddenlies happen on both sides of the fence. 

When it comes to faith, we want to see God move like in the Red Sea parting, the walls of Jericho coming down, or someone brought back from the brink of death.   We pray and we pray, and we expect that what we are believing for will manifest before our eyes.  Sometimes, it does happen.  Miraculous, unexplainable, “God-incidences” that cause our faith to soar and the trumpets of praise to blare.

I wish I knew why other times — most times — it takes a bit longer.  The answers to our prayers take the longest route to reach us.  We pray and we pray and we wait and we wait… And seemingly, excruciatingly, there is nothing but silence. 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

I guess it’s not for us to know why.  We think, after witnessing the power of God move before,  that this is the way it will always happen.  We want to believe that we are “blessed and highly favored.”  But deep down, we walk around with doubts that He can really hear us.  We wonder if He truly cares about what burdens us.  We rationalize that there are so many others in need of Him, that He just must be busy.  

I can’t answer for God.  I can only tell you what I know about Him and how He has worked in my life.  He knows everything that happens.  All of it.  From the flat tire on the side of the road, to the broken relationship, to the bedside you sit at in ICU.  I See You… 

There are detours and mishaps and illnesses and breakdowns… God rearranges our steps and changes us, and it is often way, way down the road before we can understand why, if at all.

My kids had a book that we read over and over, and there was a page near the end that said “And he sat and he sat and he sat and he sat…”  There must have been a hundred “and he sat’s,” and I would read every single one, my voice in a cadence, building to find out what came next.  My kids were spellbound, expectant, waiting for that page to turn and we could say together “And then it happened…”

Prayers are like this, I think.  We have to go through saying them over and over… Not because God needs to hear them a certain number of times, but because our expectation needs growing, our dependence on Him needs strengthening.  There is a quieting, a purifying, that comes in our persistence.

Sometimes, our answer comes and it is not what we had hoped for.  We have seasons that are hard and lonely, and we know only that we must survive them and trust that He is still working things out.

He is.   

The Proverbs teach us to rely on God and not our own understanding.   In everything, to use wisdom, to not relent in doing good, to stand for what’s right, to sow seeds of faith and righteousness.  It is in doing these things that we sense His power, and we watch as the mountains before us are moved one pebble at a time.  

This is what we do while we wait.

It’s here we learn to trust Him for what comes next.  Spellbound, expectant — yes, sometimes weary.  Often times, discouraged.  But we keep waiting for the page to turn.

I don’t know what you are praying for, but I know that He hears you.  I am certain as I know He hears my own prayers in a season that has been especially long. 

In the waiting, we are being made ready.

There is a Suddenly that is coming, and soon you will be able to finally say “And then it happened…” 

Keep the faith, my friend. God is always at work. 

Whether your answer comes in an instant or at the end of an arduous season, it will come.

God’s timing is always perfect.

Mary Bryant is the author of "When He Walks Away… Hearing God When Your Husband Leaves Your Marriage,” a 5-Star Rated book available on Amazon

The Other Side of the Story

Have you ever heard the phrase “A picture is worth a thousand words?”   Recently, my mom had out her albums, sorting through pages and pages of old black and white photos.  Some are more than one hundred years old, and they all tell a story.

It’s not hard, when looking at them, to see the resemblances passed down four and five generations to my own kids, and what will someday be shared with theirs.  The apple, they say, doesn’t fall far from the tree in so many ways.  

The stories the pictures tell are so intriguing. “Oh, Uncle Pete… You know what they said about him, right?”  Or “The sisters, they were always so close… they could make fun out of just being together.”  And “She knew she was dying, and all she could think about was who was going to take care of her little girl…” 

I bet your family has stories like this too.

We’re too close, I think, to our own history to have the perspective of what will be said of us.  I think about this a lot.  Like my mom, I have photo albums also.  What I see when I look at them — of my beautiful babies, of love, of Christmas’s and Thanksgivings and people who are no longer with us — all have a thousand words too.  It seems a bit surreal.  I know I was there, but so much has changed.

I don’t want my kids to look at my pictures and say of me, what my mom says of my great uncle Pete.  And yet, I know there will be things that I get tagged with.  Maybe they will be harmless enough, like “She made an awesome beef stew,” or “My mom was a serial sneezer — if she sneezed once, a dozen more would follow.”

But there will be other things, I’m sure.  Hard things, difficult things. Seasons where we all somehow just survived.  Times when we were adrift, shattered, and not even remotely the people we should have been.  

There were wonderful times, too — lots of them.

I want my kids to know, when they look at photographs of me someday, that I loved them with all my heart.  That I always had their best interest in mind.  That I did the very best I could to teach them well.

And that there is always more to the story.

It all seems so simple, when you look back on the lives that touched our own. We can sum up in a few sentences about what someone accomplished, or what they were good at.  We can speak of their weaknesses and see the labels we affix to this thing or that.  But it is always so much more complex, isn’t it?  

When we are going through it, life is full.  We are tied up with emotions and responsibilities, with love and heartache, with expectations and disappointments.  We have talents and dysfunctions, strengths and despair.  If feels at times, complicated and reactive and random. 

And then, when enough time passes and you look back, you can see it as clear as the nose on your face.  

God was there. 

We all share the same ancestry.  We all have people who drank too much, like Noah, or those with pasts like the woman at the well.  Maybe someone was betrayed with a kiss, or ran away when they should have stayed.  Maybe another was wise like Solomon, or patient like Job.  Or perhaps we were blessed to have someone like Ruth, who stuck by us when it would have been so easy not to.

We all need to be held together by faith, to have hope, to know that we are not alone. We need a place to call home, a family, a second chance….  

There will be things that won’t be remembered one hundred years from now, but God never forgets them.  

He sees our tears, feels our pain, knows when our spirits are low. He doesn’t mind when we make mistakes, and He forgives us when we do.  He knows the yearnings we carry deep within us, and the prayers we share only with Him.  

And He whispers to us…I know the other side of this story, and it is good.

Trust Him, even when the path is uncertain.  Love, even when it’s hard.  Stand up, even when you feel the weight of the world is on your shoulders.  This is your history in the making.

Others may not always recognize or appreciate you or what you are going through.

But in time, the picture will be clear, and the evidence of God’s hand upon your life will shine through… He’s working it all out.

He doesn’t need a thousand words to tell your story, only a few.

You are loved. 

You are beautiful.

Smile.