Some people are afraid of quiet.  The TV, the radio… something has to be on in the background.  I have kids who could study and listen to music at the same time, and I was always amazed.  The quiet settles me.  I need it to focus, to think, to pray… That’s just the way my mind works.

I’ve had occasion lately to dive deeper into the quiet.  I find myself in need of a respite, a reset.   Paul’s words beckon me in Roman’s 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind… I just wish I could understand how it’s done.  If only he had left us with instructions — or even a YouTube video.  

There are so many things in life that come to us, served on platters that we are expected to simply digest and then move along.  It just doesn’t work out that way.  Some things still bother us, there are people we are soul tied to, shadows of missteps and used to be’s that seem to follow us no matter what we do to lose them.

We can be happy in what we have, but sometimes there is a gnawing in our spirits that calls us to bandage up what is still seeping from our hidden, unhealed places. 

If only it were easy.

I’ve come to understand that time is not always the healer we think it is.  As if there is an expiration date, folks just don’t understand that the deeper the wound, the longer it takes.  There are seven stages of grief.  Sometimes we get stuck in one stage before we can move to the next.

Our truest identities are never in what was, what happened to us, or in what we do or do not have.  We belong to God. He alone can take what we have endured and create from it something of purpose.  He offers us a blank canvas, and we keep trying to paint pictures of what used to be, not of what’s coming —not of what is possible.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, to give you hope and a future - Jeremiah 29:11

God wants us to create, not just a new picture of what our lives can be, but a mural so that we can see the expanse of where we’ve been and where we’re going.  We get to pick the colors. We just have to be willing to put down the ones that no longer depict us as well as they used to.  Maybe we need to choose a little less gray.

I think it’s natural to keep trying to tie up the frayed ends that tether us to our used to be’s.  It’s how we finish up old business.  It’s how we go about trying to prove, if to no one else but ourselves, that we mattered, that we did the best we could.  We want to feel the connection back to who we were, so that we can feel “normal” again.  It never works.

God wants us to renew our thinking, our minds, so that we can see that we matter to Him and we don’t have to prove a thing.  He loves us just the way we are.  He has for us colors that are lovely, and good, and fresh, and new — and He’s waiting on us to begin using them. 

God is always calling us to renewal. 

Some things are hard to understand.  It’s not our job to figure them out, no matter how hard we try.  Some people will treat you badly, will never apologize, will never build a bridge.  Jobs will end, sickness and circumstances will cause us to fear… And all we have is God.

We have to lay it all down to see that the blank canvas is a gift.  Perhaps it wasn’t how we envisioned it.  But we have the chance to paint new scenery, new celebrations, new identity in who God is calling us to be.   

I think Paul would say that the instructions are not hard, but it takes a little work.  We need to be equipped with faith and an equal measure of acceptance. We need to pray, fast, stand, read the Word, journal, rinse and repeat.  We need to learn to recognize that who we are becoming is greater because of what we’ve been through, not in spite of it.

It’s not an overnight fix.  Renewing our minds, our hearts, our circumstances, takes time and patience.  There is plenty of grieving and lots of letting go.

But it will happen.  

That blank canvas before you…?  Don’t be afraid to be bold.  Splash whatever colors your heart desires upon it.  Dream.  Expect miracles. That is what renewal is all about.

Trust what is coming. 

God wants you to know ahead of time, that it will be a masterpiece. 

Philippians 4:8  - Finally bothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable —  if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about these things.