Like it Was Yesterday

On a recent drive through town with a couple of my kids, we had one of those conversations that starts with “Hey Mom, do you remember when…?”  It’s funny, the things that come up on car rides.  Something jars a thought, and before you know it you are cruising down Memory Lane.

What is so striking, is how vividly kids can recall an incident. Something someone said or did to them in elementary school for instance — and the torrent of laughs and adrenaline come rushing back.  For me, hearing again the stories of how one particularly horrid teacher treated my fidgety, but bright and creative son — Or my youngest daughter’s recollection of when her palm was read by a visitor on Career Day in the first grade, only to be told that she was “really supposed to be born with Downs Syndrome,” is like reigniting a blow torch.  Oh, how I remember the mama bear rage welling up inside me.  It all comes back with a vengeance, just thinking about it. 

The thing that I realize now, is how life affecting these happenstances were, but also that they were the breeding ground for so many other lessons.  I remember like it was yesterday — the rush to protect, to lash-out, to fix the surroundings and influences that would touch my kids’ hearts, minds, and spirits.  It is such a delicate balance to not be a helicopter parent (I wasn’t) but to stand at the sidelines of the field, yellow flag at the ready when I witnessed a foul. 

I always taught my kids to respect authority.  I also wanted them to not be afraid to speak up for themselves, and to do so respectfully.  If the proof is in the pudding, then their dad and I did a pretty good job.  There was a time or two that I can recall going right to the mat when we needed to wrestle on their behalf over a particular grievance. But for the most part, our kids learned to fight for themselves and to see a problem through to resolution.

For every bad teacher, there were five outstanding ones.  For every unkind remark or slight that stuck in my kids’ heads, there were countless remarkable moments of friendships and fun and sleep overs and secrets kept.  

This got me thinking about how God looks at us, watches over us, sees what happens to us.  He has car ride talks with us, too.  He brings forth memories of times and things that have happened, not to remind us of the hurt, but rather to show us how far we’ve come.  He watches us from the sidelines, too.  Like a good father, he encourages us to fight our fight knowing He is fighting with us.  He expects us to stand for what is right.

There were things that my kids went through that I wish had never happened.  Hurts and disappointments outside the bear cave, but plenty that happened within.  They witnessed arguments, times when the leaders of the pack did not always provide the best example… They endured.  They learned. They witnessed good things come out of bad.  They kept right on growing through thick and thin. 

We all did.

Fast forward to today, my son survived his traumatic first grade year.  At his recent wedding, two of his former, wonderful teachers even attended.  My daughter is about to embark on her senior year of college in Elementary Education.  She is passionate, articulate, and driven to be the best teacher she can possibly be.

I think that is what God wants of us… He doesn’t expect perfection, just faith.  He knows we are going to fall down and skin our knees and try to do plenty of stuff without Him.  I guess He always knows just when to step in, to point us in the right direction, to give to us our second wind when we feel like giving up.  He endows us with compassion, grace, and discernment when we need them.  He lets us make our own mistakes.  And He always has a way of having things turn out for the best.  

There are things we think we will never forget, but they fall into the deep crevices of our memories.  When they get brought back to our thoughts, it doesn’t take much to realize that God was there in every single second of what we lived, in what we went through.

God’s love for us never changes.  It was there before we were formed in our mothers’ wombs and will never end.  He’s got to let us fight our own battles, but He is in them with us so that we will grow in our faith and in who we are called to be.  He will never leave us. Ever. 

Just ask Him. “God, do you remember when….?” 

He will always answer you…Like it was yesterday.

Always and Never

Words are powerful.  

They are formed in our minds and our spirits and drive us toward our destiny.  They build up our character, bind us to people, and shape our perceptions of how life is to be lived.  They can cut us deep, or lift us up.  Set to music, they are timeless.

There are two words in particular that can cause us so many problems. Always and Never. 

We find these words everywhere — in marriage, in parenthood, in friendships —  they form the unconditionality that promises we will remain true no matter what.  They hold us in covenant with each other and before God.  They are the the substance of what lets us know we can count on someone even when the chips are down.

Life has a way of changing a lot.

I have lived long enough to witness these words broken and maligned. We all have. My antenna goes up when I hear them bantered about.  Too casually they are used. Too intently do we want to believe them, expecting that those who say them will not give to them an expiration date.  Sadly, we cannot always count on them. 

Those who speak these words without the character to back them up, think they come with a clause — I will always love you, I will never leave you, I will always be here…. As long as it’s convenient, something or someone better doesn’t come along, or it looks like there is more fun to be had somewhere else. 

Do people not realize the damage they do?  

What I have come to understand, is that we humans are so doggone fickle.  We are always looking out for better, always comparing, always thinking we deserve an unmeasurable supply of whatever our hearts fancy.  We never imagine ourselves not being there for those we love, being unfaithful, or turning our backs and walking away.  But somehow, it happens.  People  justify their actions by an unforeseen list of conditions or scenarios that they think releases them from their obligations if and when the time seems right. 

All of this is the work of the enemy.

God said to Adam and Eve — “You can have all of this always.  You just may never eat of the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.”  What did they do?  Listening to the serpent, they allowed their hearts to create the exception to the rule of Always and Never. The enemy won. This is the birthplace of sin. 

We’ve been paying for it ever since.

My point is the opposite of what it seems.  I don’t want us to look for reasons to question another’s word or motives. I don’t want for us to be suspect of people who pledge to be there, who promise they will always do and say the right things and mean them til forever.  We are all going to fall in big and little ways. We are all going to cause or experience heartaches.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that what makes our Always and Never’s binding, is when we trust and seek God’s ways and not our own.  He takes all the variance of truth and holds them for us. When we follow Him, He keeps us on the path of righteousness and he reminds us of the covenant He has with us. When we are seeking Him in all we do, we honor Him and each other in doing right, in living by His Word and by the words we exchange with others who love and depend on us to be who we are called to be.  

We will no longer listen to the world when it says that it’s okay to break your word, to sin, to live according to our own needs and desires.  We will live righteously and love unconditionally. 

Does this mean that heartaches and broken promises won’t still come?  I wish that it did.  

All I know for sure, is that when I follow God, I don’t give the enemy an opportunity to change my words into something else. 

God says that He will never leave us nor forsake us.  He will be with us always until the end of time.  In Numbers 23:19, it says  “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change His mind.”  Always. Never.

I still believe in Always and Never, because I believe in Him.  Where man has changed them, God will not.  And though our hearts have suffered when these words have been broken, God will mend us. He will lead us to others who are faithful and true.  Good will always come from evil — somehow, someway. 

You are never alone.  He is with you always.  

His Word is cannot be broken. 

We'll See...

When my kids were growing up, I found myself often answering their questions with a phrase that would not fully commit me to an outcome, yet not close the door to one either.  “We’ll see…” came to rub the hopeful ire of “Can I have a sleepover Friday night?”  “Can we go the beach this summer?” “Can I get a dog, too?” So many, many questions that a well-worn mom could only offer as a buffer between possibly and probably not.  

There were always so many moving parts to life with a thriving, growing family.  Trying to get ends to meet, a chicken in the oven, hurts to soothe, dreams to stoke, and everyone to church on time was a challenge that we moms learn somehow to master.  The rest comes labeled as extra.  The rest gets answered with “We’ll see.”

My kids are well on their way now, and I find that I rarely say this phrase anymore.  Odd as it is to admit, when I say it now, it bothers me.  I realize how open-ended it is. I hate that it was my go-to when I honestly didn’t know on what side of possibility things would fall.  I didn’t want to disappoint my kids when I knew deep in my heart that resources were thin, but expectation was heavy.  I wanted to give to them their hearts’ desire, but it was not always reasonable or practical.  It was not always for their good.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but “we’ll see” came to represent “that’s life.”  

If I had given in to all that my heart wanted to give but our wallets could not, I would have been setting them up for failure.  They would have come to believe that life is like a big vending machine.  Wishes go in, and what they want comes dropped down a golden chute like magic. They would have grown up believing that all those commercials for toys and new dolls and creepy crawly doo dads were just what every normal kid has — a smorgasbord of indulgences.  It’s not.   

Instead, I tried to offer what money couldn’t buy.  I wanted my kids to know that they were loved unconditionally, that I would be here to bandage their knees and their hearts, that mistakes teach us lessons, and that doing what is right is always the best policy.  I wanted them to cultivate their minds and their faith.  These things didn’t require a “we’ll see.” 

Life takes so many twists and turns, doesn’t it?  So many things that we don’t anticipate seem to catch us off guard, change our focus, reroute our progress.  We think our circumstances are heading one way, and then something happens outside of our control and we find ourselves in a season we are not prepared for.  We flounder at times, unsure of where our lives are heading.

I know for me, it can be so discouraging when I feel I am doing all that I can —  when I’m praying, speaking my faith, standing in doing right, and God seems to say “We’ll see.” 

Oh, how I want to know now that everything will turn out.  How I want to know that hearts will mend and jobs will provide and good health will sustain us.   I want to know that God is benevolent, and though He’s not like a golden vending machine, He does have good things for me, my family, and my future.  

What I absolutely do know, is that God is a good father.  He knows what we cannot.  He knows how to watch out for us, how to give to us what we need though not always what we want.  He guides us onto the right paths even when we do not understand that there is a purpose for it.  He soothes our hurts and fortifies our spirits to somehow carry on in them. 

There are prayers that I still pray, asking Him to do in this life what would seem impossible.  There are still things that my heart longs for, things that only He can know and do.  And in the deepest parts of my yearning, I know that He understands.  More than this, I know that His answers come with my best interest attached to it.

It’s not always easy to wait, to persevere in the unknowing of how things will turn out.  It’s hard at times to walk by faith and not by sight.  But we are called to trust our Father, just as we would ask our children to trust us.  He knows what is best even when it comes cloaked in delay or disappointment.  

God isn’t saying “we’ll see…” to your prayers or your yearnings.  He’s saying “I know…. Trust Me.”  He already knows the outcome.  He’s committed.   

Keep praying, keep believing, and keep the faith.  God’s got you.  You’ll see.  

The Compass

I was never a Girl Scout.  The badges I earned where by being a latch-key kid, growing up in Southern California with a mom who was forced back into the work force after divorce, and three brothers who I loved dearly but all who had their own challenges to find direction in life.  Thankfully, they did.  We all did.

I remember, around the age of nine, becoming intrigued by a lesson taught to me in the third grade.  The whole concept that there was this gadget that could find the magnetic polarization of the earth and tell, just by holding it in your hand, what direction you were facing when you walked, fascinated me.  It was as though I had discovered one of the keys to life.  As unlikely as it was at the time, if I were ever lost in the woods, out on the sea, or on a Los Angeles freeway, all I needed was to have a compass in my pocket.  It seemed powerful to me. 

Of course, I survived my childhood without being physically lost somewhere.  I never actually needed to keep a compass handy.  I made my way learning to watch for signs along the road, or from lessons learned, that kept me pretty well on the right path.  The world tried to distract me, and sometimes it did.  But thus far, I think I have made it okay.  

Thankfully, I knew instinctively early enough in my life, how to find true North.  I also was blessed with a grandmother who taught by example that as long as I followed God, I would know that I am heading in the right direction.

I am not writing this to say that I am more qualified than someone else to proclaim what is the right path to take.  We each have our own truth, our own distinctive way at looking at life and knowing right from wrong, North from South, the world’s ways from God’s.  I will admit, however, that I can’t help but question why people do certain things.  I wonder if their compass has become bent in some way.  There are detours that seem so senseless; and yet people take them, rushing headlong onto paths that lead no where but hurt.

We all know someone, have loved someone, who challenges our own sense of life’s proper direction.  Somehow, they seem willing to defy the rules, to challenge the power that guides us, to redirect their paths so that they flow against the natural currents of righteousness.  It’s as if they break the glass of their internal compass and deface the markers.  They purposely go in directions that will get them lost.

Oh, how I wish that God would give me the words that I might shout in warning to people I have known,  “You’re headed the wrong way!”  I wish that I could save them from the trauma of cruising at full speed down dead end roads, or from so causally crossing boundaries that lead to dark, difficult days.  I have learned the hard way that some people choose to not heed warnings, and that their ears and hearts are closed no matter how desperate we are to reach them. 

The only thing I know for sure to do, is not to judge them, but love them anyway.  And most of all, to pray for them.

How easy it is to get off track.  How appealing it is to cast away cares, to live in the moment, to give into temptation, break covenants, betray someone… The world says it’s okay.  We celebrate our free spirits and elevate the icons of celebrity who show us how it’s done.  To live well, we think, is to be masters of our own universe.  

I know people who have lived life at full tilt, where all that mattered was the party, and they were intent on making it a good one.  Until something happened, and suddenly they were brought to their knees. Only then did they discover what God had been trying to teach them all along. He would lead them to discover a life a richer than anything they had ever known before.  They were transformed.

On the other side, I know of good folks who have long-lived faithfully, and then at whim, sacrificed everything — their families, their wellbeing, their legacies, just to partake of the world and what they feel they were missing out on.  Without care or concern, they have seemed to lose all conscience, all means of direction or faith.

God gives us the will to live our lives, to make our decisions, to seek our own directions.  And yet, how often does the way of Anything Goes lead to anything good?  When we are led away by sin, the path looks inviting, the sun is on our faces, and all our senses are firing at once.  What could go wrong?

All I know, is that although we cannot see it with our eyes, the power of True North is real.  We don’t have to look at a compass to know the pull that draws us to seek what is right, to find Him, to follow His ways.  That is how God designed it.  He wants our feet onto the path that leads to Him so that we do not get lost.  So that we will find our way home.

Whether you are struggling right now to discern your direction, or you are finding your way out of a storm that was not of your doing, know that God is there.  He is pulling you to Him.  No matter what way you are facing, you need only to turn to Him in faith and ask Him to lead you out. 

When you feel lost, or alone, or ashamed, or broken… turn to Him.  His ways are the compass to life to the full.  His paths lead to Restoration. 

It’s never too late to find your way.  He is always True North.

The Shed

I dreaded doing it.  

The shed at the back of my house was overdue for a purge.  You know the kind… It is hard and dirty, and requires having to sort through things, organize, and throw out or donate what is no longer needed.  The kind that means you are going to have to make decisions…. I hate how oddly paralyzing it is.

My shed is pretty large.  When it’s empty, you can walk into it several steps and do the same from side to side.  The problem is, it is far from empty, and the burgeoning chaos inside would stress me everytime I opened up the double barn-like doors in search of something I prayed would be towards the front, sandwiched between lawn games and gardening tools. 

The reason why I even have a shed, is that with four kids, three pets, and issues too complex to go into here, my garage is everything but that.  It is more like a multi-purpose room with a Tim the Tool Man vibe. And so, the shed became a much needed addition to store the eclectic what nots that came with managing life.  Drum sets, paint, beach chairs, Christmas tree stands… all are odes to seasons past, improbable as they are to ever be used or needed again. 

Oh, how we love to hang on to “stuff.”

I figured, after climbing my way over a small mountain in search of a sprinkler that I swore was in there somewhere, that it was high-time I did something about it.  I needed to roll up my sleeves, put a canary on my shoulder, and head on in, fearless in my quest to toss and purge.  I had to make sense of what was there, and it was going to take effort.

What I quickly recognized, was not the physical work that cleaning out the shed would take.  It was the emotional work. It was the feelings that come attached to things that represent my life, my identity, my family, from a time when we had “the tiger by the tail” of a younger us.  It was the strings of emotion that tug at me, thinking of loved ones that have changed and grown or just moved on, and of the parts of me that still have not. 

How do you let go of what you never want to forget?

I think that’s why we have sheds, and boxes, and drawers…  We throw things in them —  these odd, mis-shaped antiquities of our lives — into spaces where we don’t have to look at them but where we know we can find them. Our mementos become monuments for who we used to be.

There is so much that my heart is yearning to share here. I know you understand how it is, that in our vulnerability, we mourn for our used to be’s.  We’re afraid to let go in the deepest part of our spirits, and we groan because we do not know how to put to words what our hearts would say if they could.  

Maybe it’s that we miss others, or that we yearn to feel just one more time the hustle and bustle of a growing family, of being needed, appreciated, loved.  Maybe it’s just the recognition that you did the best you could and would do it all over again. Only this time, you would cherish more and complain less. 

These are the things that we need to open up to the light and give them to God so that He can lead us out and expose them to His love, His care, His ability to take the broken pieces that we hang onto and put them in proper order.  

God has new things for us —  new seasons, new hopes, dreams, and tomorrows.  He wants us to fill them with new life and to watch Him manifest all our past blessings into new ones.  

We have to make room.  We have to not be afraid to let go of things, people, habits, and hurts that hold us back.

I managed one Saturday to get through it.  I tossed and swept and stacked and hung… Truth be told, I cried a little bit, too.  But when it was done, and I could walk into my shed, turn around, and clearly see that what mattered most was still with me because it wasn’t in the things after all. It was in the realization that everything wasn’t lost.  It was just different.  

My kids are young adults now and they are thriving, good, wonderful people of whom I am proud every day of being their mom.  They were well loved by their dad and me, and we had lots of truly fun and amazing times.  There was a lot of, well… life here. Yes, I miss all of what we shared.  But I can look forward someday to a new branch of the family tree, of beautiful babies to rock and sing, to whiffle ball games and family fun nights, to reading the same special books, and to secret jokes and giggles that come from silly sayings. 

Focusing on these things, and on the promises of God who never leaves us nor forsakes us, takes the blinders off. He is always working things out for us. He is always turning the soil of our lives so that we can cultivate a new harvest of blessings.

Open up the doors and don’t be afraid.  Sweep it out.  Let go.  Find that sprinkler and turn it on.  You’re growing.  We never lose what we used to have. It’s with us always. It just changes as we go.

God is doing a new thing in your life, and it is good.  Cherish every moment, and look ahead. The best is yet to come.

Sometimes He Whispers

We all know people who, when we compare our life circumstances to theirs, we are instantly humbled.  I have friends who have tragically lost loved ones, their homes, and their health… I know of others who have suffered inconceivable loss and yet, somehow, manage to get out of bed each morning and take on the day.  It makes you wonder how they have the stamina to carry on.  

It’s hard to know what to say, isn’t it?  The words that come to our lips are the same ones we struggle sometimes to believe.  “Rejection is protection,” and “God has a purpose for this” come so easily to us but do little to fully soothe what hurts.  At times, I wonder in my yearning to be a compassionate friend, if I am doing more harm than good.  I want desperately to help, yet I know how woefully inadequate and empty such words sound to a breaking heart.

We wear our inadequacies on our sleeves, and we feel completely inept when all we want is for someone to know that we are with them.

I think the hardest thing we can ever attempt to answer, is the very thing we are simply not equipped to do.  Why, do bad things happen.  Why does illness take those we love.  Why do parents sometimes bury a child.  Why do people turn away and leave us…. Why, when we have done all we know how to do, do things still not work out as we hoped. 

I think because we cannot possibly have an answer that adequately addresses the why’s in our lives, we give in to apathy.  We give up.  We stray and think that life is random and therefore we might as well enjoy it and not bother ourselves with faith.

All I know for sure, is that good and evil coexist.  Bad things do happen to good people.  We scan the horizon, wanting to see God coming to rescue us like a knight in shining armor when all hell breaks loose.  We expect to see Him.  We want the faith that we have relied upon to culminate into a flash of Divine parting of the Red Sea so that we have an escape from our trauma.

And when it doesn’t happen, we feel alone and devastated.

In 1 Kings, when Elijah was running, defeated by fear, he hid in a cave and licked his wounds.  It is said that a great and powerful wind came and shattered mountains and rocks before him.  Then came an earthquake, and after that, a fire.  This is not unlike what events feel like when they come to our own lives and wreck havoc.  And, it says, the Lord was not in them.  

After the fire, came a whisper.  The Lord spoke to Elijah and told him what to do.

I know we wish we could understand the why’s.  But we can’t.  We can only know that in the earthquakes of our lives, we will survive and that somehow in the stillness of the aftermath, as we are picking up the pieces of what is left, He will whisper to us too. 

Sometimes the whisper is a friend who doesn’t have all the right words but the heart and compassion to stand with you.  Sometimes, it is in a quiet blessing that comes to you miraculously through the mail, a neighbor, a loved one who senses your need and answers it with unexpected provision or kindness.

Sometimes it just comes whispered in your sleep that He is working it out, to be patient, to wait on Him.

I wish that there was a handbook, a YouTube, an app that helped us navigate troubling times.  I wish that there was a program that we could listen to that would coach us how to speak to others who desperately need an encouraging word when all hell comes against us.  I wish we could know how to fix it when someone we love is facing impossible circumstances.

These are when we need to listen for the whisper that says “Be still and know that I am God.”  He is never in the destruction; He is with us as we go through it.  He makes the impossible bearable.  He brings life back to the most devastated places.  He is always in the restoration of our brokenness. 

We will never be able to answer why… We are only asked to point to Who — Who holds the promise to never leave us nor forsake us.  Who promises that if we love Him, trust Him, seek Him, that He will work all things together for our good.  Somehow, someway… He will.

The greatest things we can do for others when words fail us, is pray for them.  Stand with them.  Be the compassionate hands and feet of Christ in ministering to their needs as we are able.  Be a candle in the darkness of their situation by simply loving them.

Can you hear the whisper?  He will tell you what to do.

us

Bridges

Do you recall the nursery rhyme, “London Bridge” which we sang gleefully as children holding on to hands and circling around until the key phase culminated into “…my fair lady!”?  We would then plop into giggles onto the ground.  All was right with the world, even though we had no clue what this little ditty meant. (I still don’t)

This came to me, oddly, the other day when thinking about other kinds of bridges —the ones that get burned, either by people we love or by our own hand. These are the kind that don’t cause us to squeal in laughter.  These are the kind that come at great cost.

The world is pretty good at telling us that burning bridges is okay.  When we are done with someone, when we think that our happiness should be paramount, we strike a match and discard folks willy nilly.  Friendships, marriages, relationships of every kind have suffered at the altar of “hooray for me, to hell with you” syndrome.  It’s sad, really.  And regardless of which side of the bridge you’re on, when it falls, people get hurt. 

The story of the prodigal son, where a young man insists on his inheritance so that he can go off and see the world and partake of all it offered, is an easy representation of how, when we give into sin, casting off all prudence, we find that gluttony leads only to helplessness.  Bridges leading back to wellbeing are often so broken we feel they can never be mended.

I am astounded, in my own life, at the lengths that some will go to burn down all propriety of relationship or accountability.  As if people come with expiration dates, backs are turned and bridges brought down so that it’s clear that there is no way back.  People that should be cared for, respected, and honored, are discarded at whim for reasons that have nothing to do with righteousness.  When selfishness reigns, some will plow through life without conscience at the damage they do.  They hurt, not just to those they should love, but generations that will come after them.  Most of all, the damage done is to themselves. 

It makes you wonder… Is this how they want to be remembered?

When we love with condition, when we stop doing and being the people God calls us to be in relationship with others, we turn our back on Him as well as those who depend on us.

It’s a challenge to watch it unfold and not fear for what is coming.  It’s like watching a train wreck.  Those who skirt off the track, eager in their mindset to seek the world and their own mostly selfish desires because “anything goes” is so much more appealing than staying the course and doing what is right.  We all have names that fit this scheme, fathers and mothers, husbands and wives, family and friends, who lose their sense of direction because they believe the lie that “out there” is where real happiness lives. It’s a bridge to nowhere.

God teaches us that nothing in the world will fulfill us, will bring us peace, will bring us true joy without Him at the center.  The Holy Spirit guides us, keeping our feet on the right path, closing our ears to the drumbeat that calls us to temptation and to sin because He knows they only lead to death.  They hurt us.  They cause the bridges in our lives to fall.

Thankfully, God is like father of the prodigal son.  He watches for us on the horizon, believing not in the son that ran, but in the one he raised.  He celebrated when the broken young man came home — repenting of his sin and humbled at what he learned.  He knew that he had rejected a life he thought he no longer needed or wanted, only to find that his father never gave up on him to return.

Proverbs 24:16 tells us “though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.”  We can get off track, we can sin, we can burn a bridge and discard relationships with one another and with God, but He will always take us back.  

When we repent, when we seek Him after a season of running, or even doubting that He cares for us, God forgives us.  He will restore our hearts, our minds, our spirits.  He will rebuild our families and relationships.  They don’t always look the same as they did before.  But when we trust God to mend the broken parts in our lives, He will cross over with us to a new season.

My fair lady, hear me… I know the heartache that comes with broken roads and fallen relationships.  Whether you have been on the receiving end or were the one responsible for the demolition of it, bridges can be rebuilt when we start with the Architect of Life.  He’s waiting for you to ask Him, to hold hands with you and circle around your situation so that joy can return and you can clearly see your way up and over.  

It’s never too late to seek rebuilding a bridge.  Even when we do not know where it will lead, or how it will mend, we can always seek it in our prayers and our hearts and in our humility.  Sometimes, those we yearn to see on the other side of it are not the ones God chooses for us to be there waiting.  And sometimes, like the prodigal son, we will see them coming back to us when our own hearts are right.  Restoration is a road paved with forgiveness.

Life is filled with fallen bridges of every kind.  Do your best to follow God, trusting His ways. Do what you can, and leave the rest to His workmanship. 

Seek Him first in all things.  He rebuilds us from the inside out, and always for the better. 

In Search of a King

Repost by Request

I’ll admit it.  There are days when I feel I am merely coasting, trying to get by; downright uninspired by the things that I must do to keep my responsibilities and life humming along.  I think times like these happen to all of us on occasion. 

What is dangerous for me, is how easily I can get off track.  My mind and thoughts wander.  I get distracted in thinking that a little excitement would do me some good — I compare my circumstances against others and wonder at my predicaments, frustrated.

I fail to see that everyone has some sort of silent battle going on in their heads. Everyone. 

After arriving in the Promised Land, the people of Israel had a similar situation.  They were bored.  They looked around at all the other nations and envied them.  Instead of God, they wanted a man to lead them.  Going  to Samuel, they pleaded their case.  “Appoint a king to lead us, such as all the nations have.” 

Samuel warned the people that such a move would enslave them, not empower them.  But they persisted and Saul was made king.

When things are not happening fast enough, when in “God’s time” feels like an eternity, I search my thoughts and ways that I can perhaps hurry Him up a bit.  I contemplate how I can instigate a situation, influencing a response that will make my new season come faster.  Rather than letting God lead me, I look for a man who I think may want the job.  

What reigns, is only disappointment.

When we discount what God has given us, ready to trade it all for what’s behind another curtain, another door, we sin.   We bargain and negotiate with God, unsettled by our circumstances.   We focus on how our situations are imperfect, rather than seeing how He is working in them.

Certainly, God wants good things for us.  He wants to bless us, bless our relationships, to lift us up and grow us so that we may in turn give Him praise.  He wants for our lives to be a testimony to His Kingship, not the world’s.  

God knew that the Israelites were rejecting Him.  He knew that their  seeking a worldly king would take their eyes off what He wanted for them.  They were willing to make the trade.

When I wallow in my own lament, I find myself wishing for something that will fill what may be a temporary void in my life.  I might even question if God is fully aware of my difficulties, and think I need to do something to hasten Him responding to my plight.  

But this never works.  

God knows what is best for us.  When we turn from Him, we think that we are gaining the excitement of something new.  Instead, we become trapped by the very thing we think will bring us pleasure or happiness.  It is short-sighted and always leads to sin.  It always ends up harming us more than we can imagine. 

People who leave the path of righteousness, who intentionally hurt others through their selfish ways and decisions, who seek the world’s approval over God’s, find themselves becoming slaves to a master that will never be satisfied.  Though they yearn for something more, they exchange their souls for less. 

It’s okay that we feel from time to time as though life is not perfect.  It’s not.  

As with all things, bring it before Him, pouring out your expectations and desires.  Ask Him to open your eyes and reawaken the parts within that have fallen in unbelief.  He is leading you to better days. He wants for us exceedingly and abundantly more that we can hope for or imagine. 

God desires that we seek Him first in all things.  He is always listening.

He is our King.  

Factory Reset

We’ve all had it happen.  Things are humming along, you’re even having a good hair day, you are in the zone.… And then out of nowhere something happens to the technology that you depend on most.  Whether it’s your phone, PC or laptop, it crashes and you go into instant panic mode. It is shocking how life affecting it is.  Everything comes to a halt. 

Suddenly, you are in overdrive, scooping up your device and rushing it to whomever seems qualified to help, just as you would rush a loved one to the emergency room — well, almost.  All you want is it fixed and fixed now. 

This is not to bash technology.  Although it has enhanced, and distracted us, in ways that are complex and not a little controversial.  We rely on it to make our lives seemingly better, safer, and more efficient.  We can no longer imagine life without it. (When, for example, was the last time you left without your cellphone and didn’t turn right around to get it?)

It’s downright scary when you think of it.

When it crashes, we are faced with both a dilemma and opportunity.

There are things in life, real breathing things, that also crash.  These things also get malware, corruption of their operating systems, messages that pop up to warn us that something is wrong. Relationships, jobs, resources, health, and even our faith.  Sometimes these become compromised.  They break.  They need an upgrade. 

No matter how much we coddle, refresh, and find work arounds, eventually things that are unattended will crash and we must deal with them.  Never are these fun.

We need more than a reboot.  Sometimes we need a factory reset, a do over.  A fresh start. 

It’s easy to understand that when crashes come, we are instantly vulnerable.  We are are fearful because we don’t want to lose something, or someone, that is dear to us.  Pictures, memories, documents, covenants… These all represent the story of our lives.  They are a part of us and we want to protect them.

In the case of relationships, I believe our fear is in the loss of all our yesterdays.  We are programmed to believe that people will stay with us for forever.  How can we do without a person we have come to depend on?  Someone perhaps who you can hardly imagine your life without?

Or maybe you are forced out of a job that you have been at for years, have received a diagnosis that has an uncertain future, have had a tragedy strike your family that is challenging and even causing you to question God… The list of things we must endure can be with us for many long and difficult seasons. 

I may not be able to explain to someone how wifi works or what a gigabyte is.  But I can share what I have learned from my own time in the crash zone.  My answer would be to point them to the One who has gotten me through.  He has an owner’s manual that never goes out of date.  He has a way of knowing just what to do.  He’s the ultimate Genius.

When God takes us through a reset, the first step is usually to power us down, to humble us.  He will cause us to look deeply at the substance of who we are, what drives us, what are our priorities.  Sometimes we need to be removed from situations or people who no longer support us.  We may discover outdated ways, programming, that are in conflict with what He has for our futures.    

Breakdowns allow God to rebuild us with better components.  When we trust Him with the process, we can be reconfigured, redirected, reconnected to the right source.  He can make all things new.

When a crash comes, we often do lose something.  It costs us, and often this is more than we can ever imagine.  Sometimes this is brought upon us by our sin.  Other times, it will come in ways that have nothing to do with us at all, but God will turn it around for our good.

Our protection, our defender, comes in the Manufacturer.  We may never know why things have to crash.  All we can know is that He has us when they do.  

I wonder… Have you gone through a reset?  Has God walked you through something that has caused you to depend on Him rather than something or someone else?  We have all been there.

The crashing has a purpose buried deep within it.  He will restore all that is lost. 

He will get you up and running as good as new again and in ways you can hardly comprehend.

Just watch and see what God does.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

The Check-Out Aisle

Have you ever heard the suggestion that it is not good to go to the grocery store on an empty stomach?  The reason is, when we’re hungry, we end up buying things not on our list — filling our basket with an assortment of goods that we think will satisfy our appetites, and end up costing our pocketbooks more.  

I was thinking recently, how true this is in other ways, too.  This is not only a monetary issue, as it is a spiritual one.  

Hear me out.

You know how it is, you run into the store for just a few things, your arms or basket brimming with the things you know you needed, your mind focused on all that you still want to fit into your day once your errand is complete.  

You’re proud of yourself.  You made it past the cookie aisle without venturing in, even for a peek.  You didn’t dilly dally in the frozen desserts.  You might have scooped up an avocado or cantaloupe, and you give yourself kudos for your healthy choices as you find the shortest check-out line. 

And then it happens.  You are stuck there, waiting.  Your progress is stopped.  

It doesn’t help that as you look to your right, the magazines beckon you to scan the covers, all celebrating famously photo shopped bodies as they fall into or out of love.  There are award winners, reality stars, and one-hit wonders, all who have managed to attain fame, fortune, and lives that appear for the camera to have it all.  

If this is not enough, to your left, the candy bars, the convenience-sized containers of Pringles, or a new flavor of gummy bear scream at you, breaking you down.  You force yourself to look straight ahead, at the shoes of the customer in front of you, or at your phone.

All you want to do is check-out, get home, and get into your comfy clothes.

It’s a strange analogy, but honestly — this, to me, is such a microcosm of life.

Here you are, doing the right things.  You work, you care for your family, you stretch your dollars and keep the lights on.  You endure the things that come at you, challenge you, change you…. You choose to walk by faith, even though it is not always easy.  You are not perfect, but you know that you are living right.

The check-out aisle is like the world that wants you to compare your life to others.  If only you had a body like that.  If only you knew the right people, had a lucky break, a guy who would throw you a surprise, dream vacation like the one smiling on the cover with the perfect Hollywood tan and straight white teeth.

You look at your basket with your frozen pizza and dog food and think, “Wow, my life is so boring.” 

The discrepancy beats at you like a drum inside your head as you know outside in the parking lot, it’s not a limo that is waiting for you, but a mom car with an engine light on.  And, since you just got paid, you decide to soothe your ilk with a chocolate caramel something-or-other and  reach for it, giving it a nonchalant toss into your cart. 

What harm could a little taste do?  We all deserve a treat once in a while, right?

When our faith is hungry, we run into the danger of thinking we are not enough.  We think we are missing out, not doing something right.  We think things should be easier, we should have something - a gift, a look, a way about us that people will love us back.  

If we follow God, we should have fewer problems, heartaches, and cellulite.  We should be happy.  But that’s not how faith or life works.  

The tempter comes in all kinds of ways. He feeds us high-calorie thoughts of comparison and all the “fun” that others are having living life in the fast lane. But behind the facade of Anything Goes, people hunger for substance.  Think about that the next time you hear of some famed individual who has taken his life, is back in rehab, or wrecking his Porsche and arrested for DWI.  

The appetite for peace and true meaning can only be fulfilled in Him. 

God wants to fill us up by His spirit.  He celebrates us, blesses us, nourishing us in a prosperity of unconditional love and expectancy that He is working all things out for our good.  Yes, we fall sometimes.  We sin.  We may even stray.  But God is a good father who is always waiting for us with open arms.  He loves us back to life. 

It’s not easy sometimes to ignore what the world wants to feed us.  But we can know that if we seek Him, taking in the daily bite-sized nutriments of gratefulness, of humility, of grace, He will fortify us and grow our faith so that the temptation to sin is overcome by His mercy.   Our lives are richer in Him than anything the world could possibly offer.

God will not leave us unfulfilled.  He will fill our baskets to overflowing.  Trust Him, even in the check-out line.

Wishing Them Well

I’ve always tried to teach my kids to “Do the right thing.” Apologize. Be kind. Take into consideration another person’s feelings…. Do more than is required.  For the most part, I would say that I have succeeded well.  My kids are confident, compassionate, well-rounded young adults.  I am proud of them.

But these character traits are only what I would consider standard “good people” qualities.  They should be what everyone does.  Although we all know folks who seem to have no such internal guidance systems, we would like to think of them as the exception, not the rule.  There is good in everybody. 

But what about doing the right thing when we’ve been wronged?

We’re supposed to have grace, right?  I don’t mean the kind we extend when we are inconvenienced or when someone we love falls short somehow.  The kind I am talking about here is the everything-you’ve-got-in-you-kind-of-grace, when someone really lets you down — betrayed you, hurt you, demeaned you in some egregious way.  Then what…?   How do we dig deep and not act as our feelings say we should?

How do we not fight fire with fire?

I’ve had some experience in this long season I’ve been in.  It doesn’t take much for our imaginations to come up with a list.  We can rattle it off.  It shows in the lines of our faces that have weathered a storm or two.  These storms have names. I bet you have a few of them too. 

As a mom, I am always aware that I am being watched.  “I wonder what Mom is going to say when…”  Whether it is to notice my reaction, or simply to learn from it, I can’t help at times feel like I am on display.  There are awkward things we all go through, when company gets mixed with old wounds and fresh expectations.  When our past and present realities collide.  

I would like to think that I walk my talk.  I want for my kids, and others, to know that I practice what I preach.  God has a few things to say about turning the other cheek.  I know He wants for us to carry Him into every situation, so that we let Him have the floor, not us.  Even when it is difficult.  Even when it feels as though you would rather eat glass than be nice to someone who has not been kind to you — or worse, destroyed some part of your life, wellbeing, or happiness.  

What are we are supposed to do?

The truth is, God is always doing something in our midst.  He gives us grace so that we can give it to others.  Not that we — or they — deserve it.  But because He loves us.  He wants us to be free from bitterness and unforgiveness.  He wants us to know His healing, His peace, and be made ready our new season. 

And though it doesn’t seem logical, this often means going through some ugly stuff first.

It’s hard to pretend that we are exuberant when our emotions are in the mud.  It hard to be the bigger person, to wish someone well who has stomped on your heart.  It’s hard to hold your head high when you want to lose your lunch at just the thought of interacting with people who have maligned you, blamed you, spoken ill of you.  

How do we muddle through this?  How do we remember that even when we don’t want them to, people are watching how we handle such adverse situations.  In cases like this, actions speak louder than our words.  

I would like to offer something here that helps.  I would like to say that I have figured out a method that pushes you through these tough moments without feeling compromised or disingenuous.  The truth is, I only know what works for me.

I was blessed to have a grandmother who had the knack, the grace, the tenacity to do the hard things.  I watched her closely.  I can still sense her spirit in the way she would say and do things that always made it look easy.  She would say simple things that stuck.  Things like “Well, that’s just the proper thing to do…” As if there were no other options available.  For her, there weren’t.

God is always calling us to be more than we are.  He is calling us to be more like Him.  And like my grandmother, I have just come to expect that somehow I will muster the grit and dignity to do it.  Not perfectly.  But properly, none the less.

We can’t count on other folks to say and do the right things.  If that were the case, we wouldn’t get hurt.  Things wouldn’t be so doggone hard sometimes.  

That means that I can only count on Him.  I can only do what I can, and He will have to give me the grace and the determination to push through the rest.  He will defend me, raise me up again, sooth my wounds, place me on a higher ground.  That’s what this kind of grace does.

Believing this, frees me up to wish them well — those who could not find it within themselves to do the same for me. 

It’s not always easy, but it’s the way He wants us to be.  Next time you are faced with a tough moment, bless those that have hurt you.  And if no one else is watching, always remember that God is.  He will reward you in your obedience.

It’s just the proper thing to do.  

Wish them well.  

Better Days...

I have something of a mantra that I often say.  It’s not swanky or cute, it’s not original nor is it exceptionally inspiring.  But I say it a lot.  “Better days ahead!”  It’s a proclamation, a reminder of the promise that ‘This, too, shall pass.’ 

My ears, my heart, my spirit need to hear this.  And, for those to whom I say it, it is meant for the same purpose.  Whatever is seemingly difficult, we will get through it.  On the other side, wherever that is, we will be able to take a breath and all will be easier.  

Somehow, someday, someway…. Even if we cannot clearly define the coordinates in our heads, our hearts seem to know them.  ‘Better days’ are a destination where our struggles are not so wearisome.  We will know joy, harmony of our efforts, and peace.  Who cares what that looks like.  We just know we yearn for it.

The thing about going through a long season, is that we stop fully believing that better days really do exist.  Like air that slowly seeps from a balloon over time, we are less buoyant. Our struggles consume us to the degree that we are resigned to thinking that life is just always going to be this way.  We grieve the past as being our happy years, and believe our ho hum existence is all that awaits now.  We temper our expectations and our resolve…Best not get our hopes up.

We want to believe there is more for us, but what if our hope comes to nothing?  

The thing that I know about God, is that He is always at work.  He knows where He wants to take us and when we will get there.  Even when we feel we are aimlessly muddling through, He has plotted the coordinates of our new season.  Our faith, our trust in Him, ensures that we get there.

There is an analogy that I love, about the distance that it takes for a cruise ship to turn in the ocean.  Incrementally, and over a span of miles, slowly the turn is made.  Those that are aboard are unaware that they are drifting in a new direction.  Only the captain does.

I think that there is a danger we all face when we pray for breakthrough, a thunder strike answer to our struggles, our heartaches, our loneliness.  We think we are going to open our front door one morning and standing there will be Prince Charming, his arms filled with red roses and an invitation to the ball. Other people speak of moments when they meet someone special, get hired for the perfect job, or gain from an unexpected windfall.

Other people do…. But we dare to believe that they will for us. 

Although I know things happen like this, and have happened for me, I believe that God answers prayer more purposefully.  Sometimes, that means He’s got to take care of a few things first.  Maybe there are passengers aboard that need to disembark.  Maybe there are storms that require Him to reroute our course.  We can’t always know what the captain knows. All we can know is that we will get there and that it usually takes time.   We are being turned in the right direction, even when the waters feel choppy and we are uncertain.

He always knows what He’s doing.

We have to fight the tide of unbelief.  We have to stop listing in our heads all the reasons why things will never change or why, logically, we should should not expect more than what we have. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  What better way than to take from us our hope.  What better way than to steal our better days before they come. 

It is in the distance of the turning that He is working in us.  He is working on our patience, our endurance, our faith. He wants us ready so that when we arrive, we will know that we endured because He carried us.  Somehow, it will all make sense. 

He wants us to know that the journey had a purpose.

To be honest, I don’t fully understand why I feel so compelled to say so often that better days are ahead.  Whether it is a nervous quip, prophetic, or I am just a gal who likes the affirmation that saying it brings.  Whatever the reason, I sense that when I say it, it is Truth.  

God’s love and promises will bring us exactly where He intends for us.  Even when you feel you are drifting.  Even when you lose sight - and hope - that better days will truly come.  

Stay the course…. Keep your eyes on the horizon.  Know that He is bringing you there.  Even if your destination looks different than you imagined it should, He is the captain and He knows what lies ahead.  

Better days will come.

Square Pegs, Round Holes

I think there comes a time in everyone’s life when we give up on someone.  We don’t want to.  It’s in our nature to be loyal, to see the best in people, to love unconditionally.  These are people who, despite how they hurt us, we cherish who we thought they were, or see them differently than they really are. We hold on too long. 

Let’s face it.  Some people, no matter how much we love them, are unwilling to love us back.

Several years ago, I counseled with a pastor about my dad.  I needed advice.  I was beyond weary.  My dad was a good man at his core but deeply troubled from a lifetime of insecurities.  He was cloaked in self pity, and nearly every relationship he had was destroyed because he believed that he was the victim of the trouble he caused.  This paradigm ruled his heart, mind, and spirit, and the consequences were never-ending for the people who loved him most.

Oh, how I wanted to fix him.  

This seasoned, gentle man of God watched me and heard my heart as I choked on words that painted a picture of someone who had fallen short in nearly every capacity.  As a husband, father, grandfather…. As a man blessed in so many ways, my dad in essence was a failure.  And he knew it.   On and on, I poured out my woe.  I wanted, I guess, a miracle; a key to open up his heart and cause it to turn from stone back into flesh.  In short, I wanted him to suddenly become someone he never was.

Instead, my pastor looked at me, his head nodding, his eyes full of empathy, and said in the simplest words, “Mary, he can’t give what he doesn’t have.”

I was stunned.  

God is supposed to fix people.  He is supposed to cause them to rise up, see the error of their ways, repent, get their caboose back on the railroad track of life, make them straighten up and fly right.  Only that was not what this man of God was telling me.

We are supposed to love, right?  And if we just love enough, we can cause people to finally see us worthy to love us back.  It’s just not always how it works out.

Some people simply either stop, or never fully had, the ability to know how to reciprocate well. Because of trauma in their hearts, loving well becomes distorted like a fun house mirror.  It doesn’t matter what we say or do to prove otherwise.

This was easy to see in my father.  Knowing his childhood, his self esteem, his addictions… Still, I loved him.  We all did.

But what about others?  What about the friend, the husband, the sister, the neighbor… ?  What about the kid you have or know who, no matter what you have done to pour into them, they simply look at life, and us, differently than how we want for them?

I wish I knew.  

That day, speaking with the pastor, changed how I saw my dad.  I let him go.  It wasn’t that I stopped loving him; instead I stopped trying to fix him.  I saw him as the broken little boy in an old man’s body that he was. I could have compassion and still release him from expectations that he simply did not have the capacity to reach.

It freed me, and in some ways, him too.

My dad is just one example in my life. There are others.  I bet you also have a name or two.  Casual or intimate, friend or foe; we come at them with both barrels loaded because they stopped being who they should be.  They hurt us, deeply.  They wander away without remorse.  They reject us in big and little ways.

Sometimes, we just have to accept that some people truly are broken.  No matter how much we wish that things were different, we can’t make them love us.  We can’t shift their paradigms.  We can’t heal what is in their hearts.  We can’t make them see the consequences of their sin or the damage that they cause.

Only God can.

I have come to understand, that sometimes we just have to let them go. We have to stop trying to fit square pegs into round holes.  We have to love unconditionally, even when others choose to not live out their roles and value in our lives.  We have to have “ah ha” moments when we can see so very clearly that they can’t give what they don’t have, no matter how much we want them to.

It’s hard to see God in these seasons, but I assure you, He’s there.  He watches over us when our hearts are hurting.  He gently guides us onto a path that will lead us to better days, even when we can’t possibly see them yet.  He doesn’t leave us when others do.  He turns it all around for good.  

He does.  He will. 

Letting go is so very difficult.  But giving people over to God is the most compassionate thing we can do for them and for ourselves.  It frees us.  It unchains them so that He can do what only He can do.  

My friend, hear me… Love hurts.  We all know this.  But the kind of love that God will bring into our lives will come from people fully enabled to love us back.  We won’t have to prove anything to anyone.  When it comes, we will know that it was sent by Him and at just the right time to receive it.

Let go. 

God knows everything you are going through.  He gives us His all and it is always to the full. 

A Few Words for a Big Day

In a few days, my son will be married.  It’s a bit of fairy tale, with these two.  They’ve known each other since middle school Spanish class.  “Miguel” and “Dora” became buds.  Like hand in glove, they fit together. They are the stuff of story books and happily ever afters.  They make it all look so easy. 

My son, Cole, is a Worship leader and Savannah, his bride, is an elementary school teacher.  They are both wise and kind, passionate and faith-filled, handsome and beautiful… and oh, so very much in love.

It’s hard, in moments like this, to not say something… To not offer a blessing, a word, a benediction.  I have been praying, I think, for my future daughter-in-law since my son was born, cognizant that this day would one day come.  I am grateful to witness how God has anointed these two with a sturdy love, one that will withstand the storms, because they are rooted so deeply in Him.

Solomon wrote Proverbs so that he could hand down to his son, and for us all, the virtues of life.  He spoke of keeping our hearts faithful, eyes on Him, and to be wary of stepping off the path of righteousness.  How easily this can happen if our minds or our vision wanders; if we compare, if we stray.

In the few words I have here, I offer some heart-felt thoughts of a modern day mom.  I’ve learned a few things in my years, and I share them from a well, deep with love and some hard-earned experience.

These are things I wish someone had said to me when I was starting out in life ~

Pray together.  

Know that God will see you through every difficulty, big and small.

Offer grace generously, seeing the best in each other no matter what.

Love each other, deeply.

Forgive quickly.  

Say you’re sorry.

Acknowledge each other’s perspective, even when it’s hard to understand.  

Remember that words wound.  Choose them wisely.

No matter how old you get, don’t stop holding hands in parking lots or walking side by side.  Ever.

Honor your covenant daily — in all the big and little ways.  

Don’t let things fester… talk it out.

Laugh often.  It’s the little moments you remember most.

Never forget, that if you have each other, you have everything.

Share the burdens and the chores.

Protect each other’s confidences and trust.

If you think he or she won’t mind, you could be wrong.

Don’t take one another for granted.  

Little surprises are the sweetest.

It’s not about you — it’s about “us.”

Always have each other’s back.  Always.

Say “I love you,” when you hang up the phone or say goodnight. 

Never, ever give up on each other. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 says,  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  If you remember only this one Scripture, you will have the answers to most everything.

My heart is filled to overflowing. I am so very proud of my son and his wife.  They are blessed beyond measure, with family and friends who love them and are cheering them on.  They have have big hearts, big dreams, big love, and big faith.  

The big day is coming.  Hold on and and cherish every moment. 

The Best is Yet to Come.

The Rudder

I am not a sailor, and having a boat is nowhere on my radar.  Yet, I find myself in some choppy waters from time to time.  It’s not that I want to be here.  It’s just that I have a knack for landing in this precarious place and I have no one else to blame but myself.

It all has to do with that little organ in our mouths.  The one by which we speak, and eat, and whistle. It is by this that we get ourselves into conundrums of all kinds.  

Proverbs 18:21 says that “The tongue has the power of life and death…”  Boy oh boy, it sure does.

Like most people, I am a work in progress.  I think I do a fairly good job of keeping that little rudder on course.  I can steer pretty well in calm waters, but have an ill wind kick up, and how easily the slightest deviation — an unkind word spoken — can cause me to head right into a storm.

In short, I screw up and say things that I wish I could take back.  Can I get a witness?!

Have you ever been sea sick?  All you can do is focus on the horizon and count the seconds till you get back to shore.  Your stomach and head feel like they are swimming in a fog of anguish. 

It is the same kind of sickness we get when we hurt someone’s feelings.  It consumes you.  You want desperately to make it right, to get your relationship back on an even keel.  It’s not always so simple to do.

At times like these, I berate myself, “How could I be so stupid?” I wonder what would possess me to be unkind.  

If I were to let my ego do the answering, I could come up with a few explanations and reasons.  Perhaps this person has been insensitive or uncaring towards me.  There have been plenty of times where it is easy to justify my words or actions.

That’s when we throw our righteousness overboard.  That’s when we let the enemy rule our hearts and heads.  That’s when we open the portal to trouble.

What I know for sure, is that no matter what someone does to us, we have a choice.  Are we going to respond with a tit for tat mentally, enjoying the rush of having a momentary vindication?  Or, are we going to lower the sails, and let the moment pass, so that we don’t get off course.

Sometimes the damage caused by our tongues is irreparable.  It is that powerful. 

Recently,  I chose to go headlong into the wind of adversity with a person that I care about.  I could have measured my words, casting out only a line or two that would have sufficed.  Instead, out came a whopper of needless snark that did nothing to fix my situation.  I blew a hole in the bottom of my boat and I was sinking fast in a sea of regret.

By most standards, what I said seems pretty innocuous.  I know people would probably even cheer at my wittiness.  I bet I could have even gotten a few “amens” from the galley.   

The problem is, God is not “people.”  He’s God.  And what I did only widened the breach between two individuals who are stranded in an ocean of hurt feelings.  What I said caused shame, not peace.

Not only did I hurt someone that I love, but I’m the one who came out feeling gutted.

When we are frustrated, wounded, or depleted in some way, we are in the danger zone. This is where the enemy does his best work.  We want to get our points across.  We want our feelings to be taken into consideration.  When provoked,  we just don’t care that we wound someone else. 

We all float around in life with brokenness.

God would have us take a deep breath.  If counting to ten doesn’t work, consider how many times He has given us grace when we needed it.  How times we have been forgiven when we messed up.  How often He calls us to come to Him, to believe in Him, even to walk on water to reach Him so that He can show us His unconditional love. 

And that’s what we are supposed to do to others.  Even when it’s hard. 

When God is our lighthouse, he will keep us heading in the right direction.  If we keep our eyes on Him, we will choose His light to lead us through the storms we run into, no matter how big or small they are.

In my situation, the Lord convicted me.  I apologized to this individual by text (yes, even texting has a tongue.) And though I know it will take a little time, my repentance will steer us back into relationship and we will one day be sailing full-steam ahead again. 

Be careful with your tongue.  Say you’re sorry.  Be anchored in what you know He would have you say.  Have grace.

You’re going to mess up sometimes.  We all do.  But the right words spoken in love will turn your ship around. 

Speak life.

,

It's Not What it Seems

Have you ever been running late for a movie, quietly taking a seat in a theater after it has already started?  You don’t think you have missed much, but you spend the next several minutes trying to piece together the plot.  Although you are drawn into the story, you can’t have a solid grasp of what has transpired because, not knowing the beginning, causes you to make assumptions about the characters and how things unfold.

I wonder at times if people look at me, knowing perhaps my present circumstances, and think they know my whole story.  It’s simply not possible to know about a person’s beginning, how life has had its plot twists and turns.  And yet, so often we are the subject of assumptions that have nothing to do with how life will turn out.

It’s not anyone’s fault.  We all do it.

How often do we see people through a lens that we choose, in order to size-up the expectations we have of them.  We assign labels willy nilly, categorizing people by their situations so as to contrast them against our own —  Single mom, rich, divorced, cancer survivor, young, widow, alcoholic, bankrupt…. Our assessment is contained in snap shots, not full length features.   

The problem is, not only do we subconsciously do this to others, but we also do this to ourselves. We think that we are the summation of what we are going through.  We think that we are what is in our bank accounts, our struggles, our brokenness, our marital status. 

The older I get, the more I understand that there is always so much more to people and their stories than meets the eye.  I am taken, also, by how much time and energy we spend tying to prove this to the world — that we are good.  That we matter.  That our scenes have not always unfolded like we expected, but that we are still moving through them.

I am evolving from a season where everything I thought I was, had accomplished, or identified myself as, has been flipped.  Once a bustling house of six, the walls now sometimes creak and tick with a silence that can be deafening.  An empty nest is indeed an adjustment.  So isn’t being one-half of a whole.  It rankles the soul.  

Thankfully, I know that I am just in a season of Intermission.  God is setting up the stage for what comes next.  And though my character is well established, there is more about my life story that is being developed.

Rather than despair, I am learning that when we are vulnerable, that is when we best can hear God.  That is when He can say to us “I understand that you feel all alone, but you’re not.  There is so much more I am doing for you.”   

What I am trying to say, is that thankfully, God is always taking us somewhere.  He knows the plot twists and turns of our lives and He knows the labels we are sometimes given and give to ourselves.  He knows also that what the world sees, is not all that we are.

God wants us to see ourselves for what He sees in us.  We may be a sinner, but we are forgiven.  We may be broken, but in Him we are healed.  We may be lonely, but in Him we are loved.  We may yearn and need for things that are hard to define with words, but He is defining us with Purpose.  He is always calling us More.

God wants us to see the whole story. 

Although the beginning is important, it is the ending that He cares most about.  It’s in how we use what He’s given us.  It’s in how we love. It’s how we have trusted Him to bring us through the scary parts. It’s in expecting to see His hand in all the parts that we often think don’t matter, but come to realize that in everything, there is a connection to what comes next. 

It’s not what it seems. We are not our circumstances, our failures, our insufficiencies, our relationships.  We are His, and He knows our beginnings and how it all turns out. 

You may not think of yourself as a heroine.  You may have faced a few villains or had the drama of your life overtake you by unexpected twists or transitions.  If it seems that your story has taken on an impossible set-up for things to end well, hang on. 

Keep watching.  Keep believing. He wrote the script.

The ending is always good.

A Fragile Peace

I don’t know what is about Daylight Savings Time that can wreck such havoc with our minds and our internal clocks.  I mean, it’s only an hour; sixty minutes that we give up or take away so that we can psych ourselves into believing that the sun is staying higher in the sky just for us.  It’s an illusion that we fall for year after year.

Don’t get me wrong, I like coming home in daylight.  I like being able to go out in my yard after work and crank up my lawn mower if I need to, or get in more errands before the street lights come on.  It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished more in my day.  

But something about it just is not natural. 

For days after the adjustment, we have to tell ourselves that we should be hungry, sleepy, or ready to wake up, all at times that our bodies know we are lying to them.  Regardless what the clock says, we can’t fool mother nature.  There exists in this transition a conflict between what we know and what we must force upon our beings to believe.

I find the same is true with peace.  

It can be fragile sometimes.  It is subjected to setbacks and setting ahead of clocks that conflict with how our hearts and spirits say our times should be.  You know this if you’ve ever had a change of circumstance that was not something you’ve signed up for.  From health issues to job loss to broken relationships, and lots of life events in between, we are forced to go along and show the world that we have accepted them, when our deepest constitutions want not to.  

More than this, there is supposed to be all these hidden benefits to switching things up a bit.  We’re supposed to like having “extra time” in our days, like we are supposed to be glad to have new “opportunities” to start life all over again when something comes to reset us or our seasons.

I’ve had people ask me that grand, rhetorical question to which I only can stare back at them and nod with faux enthusiasm.  “You bet… it’s exciting to have a new beginning!” when my heart only wants a reset to what used to be.  I liked having my family whole, vibrant, and accounted for beneath my roof.  I liked knowing how many plates to set around my table at dinner, and knowing that there would always be a load of laundry to fold in my dryer.

But that’s just not the way things always turn out.  Kids grow up.  People fly the coup.  The laundry pile shrinks and can be gathered in one arm and carried up the stairs. Times are forced upon us and we must adjust. 

We have to get used to the darkness before dawn. 

I have come to understand that life is messy.  It follows a course that causes us to do all that we can to the best of our ability.  We navigate and work hard to keep everything and everyone progressing though it, with just the right amounts of love, faith, and discipline. The problem is, not everyone’s watch is set to the same time zone.  Some people get off before the ride is really over.  Alarms go off and we have to believe that there is a reason for it all.  

What I am saying is that regardless how we manipulate time, there is only One who controls it.  And all the stuff that happens to us in between sunrise and sunset, we must trust Him to lead us through it.  We must believe that, even when it’s hard, He is going to bring purpose and meaning to what is often seemingly senseless.  Our spirits are not always in-sync with what is happening to us, but if we look to Him and not to what others say we should do and be, we will find the sweet spot.  There will be the place where what we are going through intersects with where He is taking us.  

Our faith keeps us moving in the right direction.  By it, we can know that God works all things together for our good.  We can know that He will lead us to the right path, and that His timing is perfect.

For now, like you, I will muddle through.  It won’t be long and I will be able to stop telling my stomach that it really isn’t time to eat.  I will naturally wake up again without the use of my clock.  I won’t laugh under my breath at the confused looks of my two dogs when they wonder why their walks don’t line up with the sun the way they used to. 

It all comes full circle.  We adjust.  We carry on.  

Peace at times can feel so very fragile.  But through Him, we will find it.  

It's just a matter of time. 

Stepping Out...

I live in the South, where lately we have been inundated with rain. So much, that I think my back yard is turning into a swamp.  Seriously.  

I know that April showers bring May flowers.  But we have yet to push through March, and already things are popping up — daffodils and blossoms of every kind are budding.  It’s like Spring has sprung, but it’s more like a giant head-fake.  I’ve lived here long enough to know Winter still has a thing or two to say before this season is over.

It’s a lot like how I feel sometimes.

You know how it is when so much is happening around you?  There is all of this activity, people moving and shaking, going places and doing things, falling in and out of love… and you feel like you are stuck between Winter and Spring.  While others are making plans and making memories, you are looking out your window, content to be bundled in your comfy sweater.  You would rather stay put. Emotionally and physically, you just can’t seem to move.  

It’s hard to get outside yourself, when what you still feel is the chill of a season passed.  People watch you, curious to note when your joy will seep back into your spirit. But for you, it feels more like joy has been tucked away in the attic, right along with your Christmas decorations.  Boxed and contained, you’re not sure how to act; not sure what is stopping you from stepping out into your new season.  

You try to fake it til you make it, but even that gets old.  

All I am saying, is the gap between Winter and Spring is real. More than this, it doesn’t last just a few weeks or even months.  For some of us, it can be a few years before we poke our heads out of the dirt like crocuses.  It’s not how we want to be.  We don’t necessarily enjoy spending all our time thinking about what our new season will hold.  Like most people, getting out and feeling the sunshine warm upon our faces is exactly what we need.  We just don’t know how to get out of the gap.

Perhaps you can relate.  You have come through something, a transition, a life experience that has tested and tried you. Now, you are supposed to emerge all bloomy and colorful, and parts of you feel you aren’t ready yet.  You’re not a tulip, you’re a dandelion.  You think that if you get out there, people are going to see right through you and, with the first gust of wind, you’ll come undone.  

In Winter — that grueling, often bitter, cold season — we contract into ourselves.  We conserve our resources, doling out only meager portions of self-esteem and expectation, because we don’t want to draw attention to the fact that we are low in spirit. We watch life like we would a movie.  Somehow, it doesn’t seem real.  It’s for other people, and not ourselves.  We just don’t want to get our hopes up.  

I am coming to understand, that we all have seasons in the sun, and others when we are tucked safely under umbrellas waiting for our turn to step out again.  Each have their purpose; each teach us something.  We can’t have one without eventually having the other.  Sometimes, it feels like an eternity, to the point we question everything about where we are heading.  

I believe that God would have us know that He stands with us while we are waiting.  Here, in the humility of transition, we learn to listen more acutely for what He might be telling us.  He lifts our heads and reminds us that He is making a way for us.  “What I have for you is good,” He says.  “Don’t be afraid. Just take one step, and then another… follow Me.” 

God knows all our fears.  He wants for us to give them to Him.  He wants us to trust Him. He wants for us to see all that He is making new for us in our Spring.  

Step out of the gap and embrace your new season.  It’s okay if it’s still a bit chilly, and rain and wind beat against you a bit.  God knows what you’ve been through. He knows that it is scary. But the plans He has for you are to prosper you so that you will grow again in all that awaits you. 

Go ahead.  Step on out there…. You are a tulip, not a dandelion.  Be not afraid.  You are His. And you are beautiful.  

Running on Empty

Have you ever been so on “E” that you feared you would not make it to the nearest gas station?  You hold your breath, slowing down and coasting as much as possible, just to get there.  I had a sister-in-law who once hilariously said, “I’ve been so low on gas, that I even turned off my radio!”

What about when you are emotionally running on empty?  You feel like you are in the fight of your life and you have no idea why or how it happened. If only these tanks could be so easily refilled. 

If you are like me, you have been through a season or two when all that you thought defined you, was spent.   On every level, you have felt challenged to defend yourself, to fight for your resources of strength, of provision, of relationship, of even faith.  Perhaps even now, people you believed had your best interest, are distant.  You are coasting, but not sure where to find what you need to sustain the ride. 

It’s times like these that even a “glass half-full” person can feel more like your life is in a sieve, pouring out in every direction.  It’s impossible, it seems, to replenish what is needed to survive. It’s when we feel so depleted, so vacant, that we also are most vulnerable.

Psalm 121 says, “Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord.” And yet, we stand watching, waiting… and even He seems far away.  

I have come to understand that it is in being emptied that we are filled up again.  I don’t understand why it has to be this way.  It seems unnecessary to be so gutted.  And yet, if we walk by faith, we have to trust that God knows things we don’t.  He knows when there are things — people, situations — that are not as they should be.  And so He removes us from them. 

Never is this fun. 

When we are so humbled that it’s hard to orient where we are from what used to be “normal,” we are forced to unclench our fists. The fight seeps out of us, our gaze drops.  We give up. We feel empty.

And that’s when it happens.  “Ok God, you win.”

I am learning that there is very little that we can do in these times.  It does no good to try and convince someone to see our side, to love us, to be loyal or faithful when their hearts are no longer with us. We can’t make a friend or loved one come back into relationship, or co-worker see our value, when they have cast us aside with their judgment or opinions.  All we can do is bless them and move on (easier said than done, to be sure.)  But I believe that is what we are supposed to do.

The fight, is futile.  And more than this, the fight is not ours.  All we can do is ask the Lord to fill us with His grace; with what is right, and true, kind, and loving.  Sometimes, it’s just being able to stand, to get through one moment to the next. It can take all we have just to hold our tongues and ask God to stem the tide of bitterness and offense.  

It’s accepting that we are on “E” and that somehow, somewhere down the road, we will be restored.  It’s going with it, hard as it is. 

When I get to this place, I am able to take deeper breaths.  I am able to know that He is working things out for me.  I can let go — if just for a moment at the time  — of hurts that come to take away my peace… I can be emptied because I know He has more for me, even when I can’t see it yet. 

It’s here that I remind myself to let God do things His way.

Nobody likes the feeling of being emptied.  It’s a lonely here.  It requires stamina you didn’t know you had, and a restraint to not go rogue when we really only want people to validate that we have worth, that we mean something to them. 

And that’s when God will whisper to keep our eyes on Him. “It’s just up ahead a little farther.  Stay on this road, and you will see.” 

All of this, is the lesson of “E.”  When we feel empty, we might not understand it. But He does. He loves us.  And He will fill us with whatever we need to get to where it is we need to go. The trip, He promises, will bring us to better.

Keep your radio on and sing.  You’ll get there

From Out of the Blue

Did you ever notice how you can go along, thinking life is going pretty well. Your ends are somehow meeting, your friends call, your dogs don’t bark… Life is good.  Not perfect, but good.

And then, from out of nowhere, a blue streak will hit.  You can’t explain it.  It’s just a blah feeling that seems immovable in your being.  Nothing is wrong, but you aren’t exactly hitting the high notes while singing in shower, either.  You can’t seem to step out of the grayness, as if you are in a fog. 

What gives?  

I am amazed at the sensitivities that God has given to our spirits.  I find that when I go quiet, deep inside my cave, there is a reason.  Sometimes, it’s just to give myself a good talking to — the old “Where’s your faith?  Why do you worry so much?”  Other times, though, it is that I need to hear something. 

The truth is, we are all susceptible to feeling discouraged from time to time.  It’s easy for someone to say “It’s all going to be okay.” But when you’re on your own, it’s late at night and you’re staring at the ceiling, it’s hard at times to believe it.  I truly get that.

What I am learning though, is this is exactly when we need to pay attention the most.  We get distracted, listening to the noise inside our heads that goes over all the reasons why something is difficult, or wrong, or unfair.  We do our little comparisons and wonder how we can change our circumstances. Like sticky tape, our thoughts get caught in a vicious cycle. Our dispositions get so clouded with “what ifs” and “if onlys.” It’s draining. 

None of this is productive.  Once more, God isn’t in this kind of thinking.

When the blue streak hits, I am getting better at saying, “Okay Lord, I’m listening… What is it?  What am I missing?”  This comes after many seasons of doing things the hard way.  Of too many sleepless nights filled with lament, tossing and turning.  Now, hard though it is, I force myself to stop — to interrupt the circus inside my mind, and listen for what He might tell me.

It doesn’t come in Greek or Latin.  It won’t come in a demonstrative way, like a voice booming in the darkness.  It comes quietly, etched across my conscience… “Give it to Me.”

And I do.  

Sometimes, it’s a burden or concern that I am carrying for someone I love.  Or maybe a regret, a longing, a grieving, a needed resource, a healing, a careless word spoken… Whatever it is, with eyes closed, I imagine placing that very thing into the Lord’s outstretched hands. It is so powerful, so calming; a peace comes over me, and sleep returns.

I don’t mean to sound like I’ve got this all figured out.  I don’t.  There are some burdens that are so heavy, wrenching our spirits so greatly, that we are overcome.  I’ve been here many times. But big or small, God’s response to us is the same.  “You know you can’t do this on your own.  Lean on me.  I know what to do.”

I often need to be reminded that He’s in this life with me, guiding me. I think that is why He drags me into this quiet place, so that He can stop the spinning that comes with trying to figure things out that are completely out of my control.  It’s as if He’s watching me, arms folded, a smile on His face… “Are you through?  My turn… “ 

And then commences a knowing, an understanding, that I don’t have to have all the answers. I just need to have faith.  

Does this mean we do nothing and wait on God?  No, and yes.  It means doing all we can within our power to be accountable, do what is in our ability to do, and then trusting Him with the outcome.  Sometimes, an idea, a strategy, a different way of approaching a problem will come to me — and I absolutely know it was divinely given.  Other times, things just have a way of working out that have nothing to do with me at all. 

What is on your heart today that burdens your spirit?  Imagine the Lord before you, His hands open, inviting you to place it there.  

He wants for you to go about your life knowing He’s got it covered.  

That ol’ blue streak is going to still come from time to time.  The dogs are gonna bark.  You may not care to sing in the shower some days.  But God will always be with you. Listen for His voice.

“Give it to Me.”