The Sway

At the back of my house, there are woods with tall pine trees that line my property.  During a storm, these trees bend and sway with a mighty force that is both awe inspiring and fear inducing. They are beautiful.  But a strong gust of wind, a quick snap or letting go at the roots, and at any moment one of these majestic wonders could come tumbling down.

I am so much like these trees, swaying between strength and vulnerability.  One minute I am confident, getting my stride; I fist bump and do the Cha Cha (okay, not really the Cha Cha) and feel like I can touch the sky.  The next, I face plant, tripping over my shoelaces.

Not a pretty sight. 

We would all like to be “up” all the time, to float along like Mohammad Ali, all beauty and finesse and waxing poetic about our life.  It’s just not possible.  We get punched.  The bee stings.  And sometimes, we just want to hit the tarp and stay there for a while.

It’s the sway that happens to everyone. 

It’s hard to stay planted, to not feel tossed about by circumstances and hurts, deficiencies of resources or affirmations.  We feel we are just going through the motions and wonder things like, What in the world is wrong with me?  

The truth is, nothing.  

God gives us the valley and the mountain top.  Each serve their own purpose and neither are intended to stay at for long.  We learn things here — like what we should be grateful for, what we can overcome, and who we can count on to to be our traveling companions.  

Hopefully, we learn to trust that wherever we are, God is there and He is leading the way.  We can know that whatever we are going through is just temporary, and that on the other side, we are somehow better for it.

I don’t know a single person who does not from time to time struggle or question or examine where they are in life.  The problem is, when we take our focus off of God, we look around at what the world has to offer and compare ourselves and our life situations with others.  This is the danger zone.  This is where we start to blame and project and find offense.  This is where sin is bred, people leave, and spirals and destruction of all kinds make their marks. 

Don’t believe the lies of the world that say you can have it all, along with a drink with a cute little umbrella, and six-pack abs.  All of this is meaningless, empty, and a mirage.  That’s just not how real life works.

The sway is real.  We’re all going to have tough days.  And, right after that, we get to have days of sunshine and roses.  We just need to persevere, to not despair, to know that God will not leave us nor forsake us.  We need to trust that even on our worst days, we will get through it and when we do, we will somehow appreciate how far we’ve come.

It’s okay to have your moments.  It’s okay to facilitate and question and have introspection.  It’s even okay if once in a while, just to shake things up a bit, you throw yourself a little pity party.  

Just don’t stay here.

God wants us to keep growing taller, to be able to touch all that He has for us.  He wants for our roots to dig deep within the soil of our faith and to believe that what He has for us is always better than we can imagine.

Sometimes we have to bend a little with life.  Just keep your eyes on Him and no matter what, you will be fine.  

Sway.

The Whisper

Quiet — real quiet, is a rare occurrence.  Even when we are alone, noise envelops us, distracting our senses.  The air conditioner kicks on, the dogs meander about, a neighbor calls out to another down the street… The world does not stop.

Silence is supposed to be golden.  And yet when we are in it, we are restless.  We reach for our phones, we try to fill our minds with something - anything - so that we can avoid doing the very thing that I believe silence is intended to do, and that is center us.  Silence draws us in.  It causes us to listen for the knocking of our soul.

I used to watch those shows about Alaska.   You know the ones — they feature people who live in the deep frozen wilderness, sustaining life on what they hunt and whatever remedies they improvise to get them through without the assets and conveniences of everyday life.  I was fascinated by these people and the lengths that they would go to ensure their aloneness, immersed in a quiet I could not comprehend.

If it were me, I wonder what would I think about?  Would I hear more clearly the voice of God?  Would my spirit soar to meet the heavens, as the stars — acutely visual without the distortion of society and pollution — show me things I could not imagine?  Or would I be swallowed up in the vast expanse of it all?

There is something about the quiet that we both yearn for and fear.  We want to sense the closeness of God, yet there is unease in what He might tell us.  Is He happy with our efforts in this life?  Does He have something that He would have us do differently?  Become? Impart to others?

Proverbs 19:22 says “What a man desires is unfailing love.”  In this world, with all it’s impurities and distractions, we forget this.  There are so many layers that obscure us from what pure love truly is.  We have watered down versions that justify and qualify sin so that it doesn’t seem wrong.   We lie and manipulate and pervert righteousness so as to make it palatable to the masses.  So much so, that we seem unable to recognize truth anymore.  

There is only one love that will not fail us.  And in the stillness, in the quiet, it whispers to us “I am here.”  

Like the noise that infiltrates our heads, everything that is not love infiltrates our hearts.  We are bombarded by rudeness, by gestures of offense and impatience, by gadgets and infomercials that promise happiness but only add to our unease.  There is tolerance for every conceivable acceptance of sin, but not for God.

How sad is this?

The remedy, if there is one, is in understanding we can only create a space within our own atmosphere, our own quietness, to hear what God would tell us.  We know, as His children, that He would want for us to be guided — not by the world — but by what He wants for us.  His love conquers fear.  His love endures.  His love heals.  His love dwells within us and is meant to share with others.  His love is good and kind and merciful.

Can you hear it?  The whisper that calls each of us to not be distracted from doing what we know we should.  We are to be who God calls each of us to be.  We are to stand in righteousness, forgive and be forgiven, and not be swayed by the world’s version of what life is all about.

Listen deeply to the quiet and know that God is there.  Know that He is love.  Know that He is truth.  Know that the One who beats your heart is always with you. 

Be still and know that He is God. 

The Canvas

I am not an artist.  I don’t have the gift that so many do, able to draw with resemblance anything other than a stick figure — and that’s on a good day. Pictures come to me shrouded in words, and from there, I strive to depict what swirls around in my head.  But oh, how I admire the talent of others who can visually create with such ease!

Such are the differences that God has put inside each of us.  We are all endowed with something special.  All of us.  We all have an aptitude that comes naturally; no matter how small, it sets us apart.

When we have been through a life storm, it is easy to question who we are.  We get knocked around a bit, tossed in a sea of uncertainty.  We listen too easily to the voices inside our heads that cause us to discount our gifts.  We don’t see ourselves accurately and, adding to it our failures and our shortcomings, we skew the composite of our worth.

This is so damaging.

I know for me, when life got turned upside down, I spent so much time sorting through the rubble, trying to find the pieces of who I was.  It felt as if a dump truck had backed up to my front doorstep, leaving a pile of remnants of what I once thought I was.  It was overwhelming and discouraging.  Essentially, all I saw was what was wrong, and the image I held of myself was of worthlessness. 

That’s the thing about life transitions that hurt us the most.  We feel adrift.  We think we no longer resemble the pictures of the person we were.  We are without shape or form or color.  

I am coming to understand that God can’t show us the picture he has for us, for our futures, without first doing a little housekeeping.  At times, He needs to shake us up in order to sweep away what is not working, what does not fit anymore with what He is doing for us.  

Transitions are hard. They cause us to cling to what we think we want our lives to look like, when God wants to paint for us a new vision.   We squeeze our eyes shut, not wanting to contemplate a new tomorrow, because we still mourn yesterday.

That’s okay.  God knows this.  It’s a part of the process.

In our transitions, we are emptied so that we come to rely on God to show us what we cannot yet see for ourselves.  He readies for us a new canvas that is colored with possibilities, purpose, and awakenings we have perhaps never thought possible.  

When we allow Him to guide us, as painful as it is, we grow. We transform. We are given new colors to paint our new tomorrows, and they are vibrant and alive.

None of this happens overnight.  It takes time for Him to uncover for us the gifts that we perhaps forgot we had, the yearnings we have neglected, the promises He planted long ago.  It takes time to sort through the rubble we are forced to have to go through.

I don’t have all the answers, but I do have faith.  I know that God supplements all that I cannot do on my own.  He places the paint brush in my hand, and reveals the image of what He is doing through the daily steps I take.  By His changing me, He changes my ability to see that He has more for me than I can imagine, and it is good.

Trusting Him, walking by faith and not by sight, is the way we proceed with confidence in these difficult times. 

May the substance of your faith hold you close.  He has you, He knows you, and He is creating for you a new and beautiful picture of what is to come.

Trust that the colors or your tomorrows are bright.  That’s what God wants for us all.

No matter what you may feel or see about your life in the present, never forget that God is at work and creating all things new.

You are a masterpiece.

Photographs

*Circa 1911 - My grandmother, Alexina (baby), with her sister, Eva

Picture taking is an art.  I don’t mean the selfies we snap or the staged ones we take that show us all dressed up, ready to take on the night for some big event.

I mean the ones we take just because we are grateful to be gathered with loved ones in our natural state.  No fuss.  Just… real.  

My mom has books and books of old black and white photos.  These albums are filled with tiny little corner tabs that hold the pictures in place on black construction-like paper.  In white handwritten lettering, are dates, names, places… And in the eyes of people who lived and died long before me, I can see my own.  What a gift to be able to put faces with the names that go along with stories I have heard all my life.  

These snapshots tell us so much.  

I am struck by how we do not recognize the continuity of life.  Generations meld and blend with others, carrying on the names we attach to our own.  Characteristics and traits that we see in ourselves, can be traced in the faces of ancestors.  Even things we wish had not flowed within the bloodline, can be discerned when we know the history of how people conducted their lives.

The other day my daughter, for a school project, needed some photographs of herself when she was a baby.  Admittedly, I bristled a bit.  Not because I wasn’t happy to retrieve the pics of my beautiful, happy cherub, but because doing so would mean I had to sort through stacks  that are stored in a large plastic box beneath my bed.  

I knew it would be emotional.  And it was.

The thing about pictures, is that it freezes in time who we were at that very instant.  We can look closely and bear witness to the love we felt, the blessings we had, the camaraderie of friends and family.  We can see the evidence of what God has given us. 

Just like the old black and whites that fill the pages of my ancestor’s albums, we have our own that tell the stories of who we were.  We don’t realize the connectedness.  We don’t see that how we conduct our lives in the present, will someday show up on the faces of those that come after us. 

One day perhaps decades from now, someone down the line of our family tree is going to say “Oh, so that is her, the one who…..” 

The point of all of this, is simply to say that who we are, how we do life, is always carried forward. It shows up long after we are no longer here to defend or justify our faithfulness, our integrity, our loyalty, and our character. 

The man or the woman in the mirror is not a fleeting image.  It’s so much more important than we can imagine.  How others will see us should be as people who stood for the right things —   who were honest, loving, and kind.  

I retrieved the pictures for my daughter’s project.  And, in that box were countless photos of my courtship and wedding, our precious babies, my family, and celebrations of every kind.  There were snapshots of many loved ones now with the Lord, and of moments so private, so wondrous, that my heart can hardly contain the remembrance of such joy.

Intermixed with it all too, is the hint of sadness that comes when I have to acknowledge how rich these blessings were, how easily they were taken for granted, and then squandered.  The story of our lives was altered.  

In this day of selfies and Facebook, the photos we so casually post or keep stored on our phones, what will they say about us and the life we are living?  Will they say more than just how beautiful or handsome we looked?

They will.  

The story of our lives is in how we live — truly live.  It’s not in how we look while doing it.  It’s in how we stand in our character, how we enrich the lives of others, how we were kind, how we conducted ourselves in the face of difficulty.  It’s in how we cherish our blessings and value those whom God has given to us.

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words.  I am coming to understand it is worth so much more than that.

Live well and reflect His righteousness in all that you do, and what you leave behind will speak for itself.

Smile.  You truly are on candid camera.

An Everyday Hero

Today is my youngest brother’s birthday.  He is a Los Angeles City Firefighter.  Through his hard work and dedication, he is always achieving some special distinction, and has thus far made the rank of Captain with more promotions to come.

Mike is the epitome of a hero.  For all his life, he dreamed of doing what he now does, with such tempered humility and ease that it baffles me.  In the face of disaster, trauma, fire, flood, earthquake, riots, and calamity of every kind, Mike is there - leading, applying the discipline of years of training and experience, putting order back into situations of emergency and chaos. 

I am so truly proud of him.

Certainly, we cannot all be heroes to the degree my brother is.  We are not called to be.  Some of us are meant to go into the fire and rescue people.  We are meant to be the superheroes.  What an awesome gifting to be one of God’s chosen in such a demonstrable way, being the hands and feet of miracles.

Most of us, I suspect, fall into another category, however.  We are the the ones behind the scenes who carry out our callings in much different ways.  Our effectiveness seems minuscule, perhaps even barely perceptible.  

The qualities of true Purpose, doing that which we are called to do, does not change whether we are physically out on the battlefield of life defending our country, our streets, in our hospitals, or our classrooms.  The qualities of Purpose are in honoring whatever it is that God has called you to be through faithfulness, integrity, character and consistency.  

The world, I feel, is always mocking these qualities.  It champions idols — people and interests that are held up for reasons that have nothing to do with helping others; whose hands and feet are occupied with self-interest, arrogance and sin.  The world does a fairly good job of dividing, not uniting, the virtues of Purpose.

I have come to understand, that what grieves our hearts the most, is when others fail at being true to their Purpose.  They compromise their faithfulness, their integrity, their character, for things other than what they are called to do — to be good parents, spouses, friends, and co-workers.  In short, this compromise hurts us when we cannot count on those we do life with.

I will never know the rush that must come from rescuing someone from a burning building.  I may never experience the satisfaction of making a difference in peoples’ lives who live out their Purpose in medicine, public service, or any of the callings that minister to others physically, spiritually, or in so many other ways.

All I know, is that I am tending to my Purpose when I honor Him in all that I do, no matter how unsung it is.  God calls us to be good to each other, by being loving, kind and honest.  He wants for us to dedicate ourselves, each to our unique giftings, to be good and faithful servants.  He calls each of us to stand in righteousness, tending to all that He has given us to care for, and to be grateful for our blessings. 

Everyday, people like my brother, witness how fleeting life is.  What we hold dear and love, can — in an a moment — be taken from us.  What remains, what will be said of us, is who we were while we were here.  

I pray each day that God will give me the courage to live out my Purpose.  To not be afraid to put myself out there, to live authentically in being who He has called me to be as a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend; as someone who chooses to use the gifts He has placed in me for His glory.

The world may never look to you or me as heroes, and that is okay.  But never underestimate the contributions you make by standing in the qualities of Purpose, and that effect others in profound and minuscule ways.  They are all important.

We are His hands and feet.  And, in God’s eyes, there is no greater Purpose than this. 

We are all everyday heroes.

The Potion or the Process

I wish there was something that I could take that would dull the achy days; the ones that come and —no matter how hard I try — I simply can’t get out of my own way.  Thoughts come and push me off the track of progress like a freight train.  My wheels spin.  My heart sinks.

I don’t know why these days intermix themselves among all the good ones.  They juxtapose against all that I seek to do right. I work hard.  I tend to my responsibilities, my home, my kids.  I feel certain that I am doing all that God would have me do in this season.  

Still, they come. And, just like that, something triggers me and it seems all hope is lost.

I wonder if you have been here?

I am coming to understand that life is filled with achy days.  These are the times, difficult as they are, by which we stew for just a bit in what hurts our hearts, worries our minds, and causes us to dig deep.  None of this is fun, but I believe that it is normal.  It is a necessary ebb and flow that causes us to take inventory, to make corrections, to ponder. 

It’s just that we can’t get stuck here. 

I wish I could better anticipate the triggers that cause me to languish within my head perhaps a bit too long on some days.  I am getting better at this, but there are times I have to just give in to it and let it run it’s course.  Wallowing is not necessarily bad when we give it parameters; when we don’t allow it to take us over.  

For me, if I acknowledge that I am feeling weak and discouraged, then I can counter it by speaking truth.  “God is working this all out.  I know He is.  He’s got me.”

I believe that true healing happens to us from the inside, out.  We have to feel the sting of grieving and sorrow.  We have to come to terms with knowing that life has taken twists and turns that look much different than what we had hoped for.  We have to come to grips with disappointments and people who have betrayed us.  We have to.

When we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t feel these things, we harm ourselves even greater.  When we don’t allow ourselves to examine our feelings, we can’t process them. 

This is the place where we size things up and do the only thing we can — and that’s give it to God.  This is where I make a conscious decision that I cannot carry what hurts, and in my heart I lay it at His feet.  Completely.  

This is not a one-time event.  It’s a process that I find myself doing over and over, each time forgiving myself for trying to carry it on my own. I am always grateful that He so willingly takes it back into His capable and divine control.

We are not equipped to handle life’s toughest burdens by ourselves.  We also cannot ignore them. There is no magic potion that causes them to disappear.  When we neglect to deal with our hurts, they do not go away.  They follow us like cargo cars wherever we go. 

We don't heal, if we don't deal...It's simply the way it is. 

It’s a process that, with His help, we endure.  And when we get through it, we always see revealed His perfect plan. 

Even when it's hard.

God is with us in our difficult days. Even when we don’t feel Him,  He never leaves us.  He’s always teaching us something, and I believe that it is that we are to rely on Him and where He is taking us.  

It’s okay to have your achy moments. Give to Him all your sorrows and know that He is working all things out for your good. 

He is.  

When God Knocks Back

Have you been praying for something for so long, standing in faith, beseeching God to answer what burdens your heart?  Perhaps the words come in silent repetition, an utterance so profoundly simple that you barely even recognize that you are saying it.  

“Please God… Please.”   Somehow, you just trust that He knows what it is you need.

I have been here many times, and I still am.

We all know that we are to take our cares and petitions to God.  We are to seek Him; to knock at the door and know that it will be opened.   He will respond to our prayers.  He always does, even when we don’t yet see it.

Sometimes, we can experience such a profound shift, an answer to our circumstance for which there is no other explanation than to call it what it is — a miracle.  Miracles come in all kinds of shapes and sizes and degrees of manifestation.  You know it when it happens.  It is inspiring and lifts our faith to new and wondrous heights.

But what about the answers that come in God’s Time?  You know the ones - where you ask and you ask and you ask, but time rolls by and seemingly nothing has changed.

These can be discouraging, difficult seasons. 

In my own circumstance, I am seeing that God’s Time, though wearisome, is producing something in me that I could not anticipate.  It’s like knowing you need glasses, but not realizing until you get them how much clearer your vision is.  You can see past what you only imagined your perception allowed.

God’s Time is showing me things that I had not allowed myself to see before.  It’s sharpening my focus in areas that I had too easily glossed over.  It’s creating in me a new ability to withstand certain hardships that before I never thought possible.  It’s working out of me the propensity to blame another’s shortcomings for my problems, and realize that God wants better for me.  He’s in control.

As long as I stand knocking at the door, laying my burdens on the threshold of His will, I am keeping my expectations in-line with His outcome.  This is the place where patience and silence challenge me; it is the place of surrender.

I have come to recognize that here, waiting on God to answer, He is doing so by changing my heart, healing me bit by bit, working tiny little miracles into each day that confirm that I am on the right track.  

If I listen deeply in the silence that I mistake for Him not answering me as I would like, I can hear him knocking back.  “I’m here.  Be still, I’m here.” 

Proverbs 3:5 has gotten me through more moments than I could ever count.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

I don’t understand why God’s Time seemingly takes so long, but I do understand that what He is doing behind the scenes is for my good.  I don’t understand how I could not see before the things in my life that needed fixing, but He did.  I don’t understand all that God is doing to ready me for my new season, but He does.

Know that no matter how long you stand knocking, God can hear you.  He knows all that you cannot possibly understand.  He is working things in you and for you, so that when it finally opens, you will be made ready for what is to come.

On the other side of the door, God is knocking back to you. “I’ve got this.  Everything is going to be okay.”

Be still and know that He is God.

The Chip

I know that this may seem like an odd analogy, but I was struck this morning by how easily we are governed by “the chip.”  

Whether on our favorite cups, our windshields,  a crack on our phones, all we can see is the imperfection.  We are too ready at times to discard the whole for the tiniest flaw.  We do this in all kinds of ways, from our belongings to our relationships.

What about the chip on our shoulder?  You know the one, that causes us to treat others with indifference; the one that allows us to think we are entitled to be offended, condescending or rude,  just because we think someone doesn't understand our plight.  

This chip is so powerful.  It causes us to compare our circumstance to another.  It gives us license to be jealous, to be careless with relationships, to throw a pity party to which no one else is invited but everyone comes away with a favor.  It causes us to see life as unfair.

It is, at times.  But that’s not the point.

The chip, as I see it, has wrecked havoc in my own life.  It’s the worm in the apple, it’s the pebble in our shoe.  It’s the thing that we focus on as not being as it should be, rather than seeing all that is good, all that is worth savoring and being grateful for.

The truth is, we all have chips.  Every single one of us.  Whether our bank accounts are plentiful or empty, whether our relationships are blossoming or broken, whether we are brimming with opportunities or beseeching God for new ones.  We all have a tendency to look for — and find — the chip.

It’s easy to write these words, to point out my own propensity to see the “if only’s” that render me sometimes unable to claim my life as whole.  It’s harder to correct this, to create the awareness that the only thing standing in the way of my seeing what is right in my life, is that what is wrong follows me like a shadow.

I wonder if you can relate?

What I do know, is that I have a choice.  What helps me, is when I replace the perception of the chip - that thing, that imperfection in my circumstance that is not great - with expectation, something shifts.

The trick, I think, is in exercising gratitude for what is right, what is good.  It’s a mental inventory of those things and people that we are grateful for, that God has given to us, and then acknowledging the work He is still doing in them.

Our chips have names like provision, the seeking of a new vocation, a faithful love, good health, or just the longing to feel that what you do and contribute matters.  Whatever it is, plant that chip like a seed in the soil of faith, and thank Him that He has this care in His hands.  Replace doubt with belief that He is at work.  Allow the light of His spirit to shine upon it, exposing it to the expectation that a solution is coming and  it will be better than okay.  It will be great.  

God is good.  I don’t believe that there is ever a single, solitary life that doesn’t have something that needs His help, His grace.

What is your chip?

Take it off your shoulder and give it to Him.  Celebrate what is good in your life and praise Him for it.  We are all a work in progress, and the chips will come and they will go.

Seeing them for what they are, disables the power they can have over us.

God is greater than anything you are facing, big or small.  Anything.

When Love Hurts

We all know that love is a many splendored thing.  It’s the stuff of movies.  It’s what beats our hearts and makes us gush at the sweetness of what being in love does for us… It’s babies and old ladies and puppies and men who arrive like knights in shinning armor.  It’s faithfulness and honesty and acts of kindness and being there for others.  It’s doing the right thing.  So many, many things are on this list.

God tells us that love never fails.  He spells it out for us, teaching us how we are to treat other people with mercy and grace and compassion.  He expects for us to love one another.  He expects us to.

So how is it that it can sometimes go so wrong?   How is it that sometimes love hurts so deeply?

There is no easy answer.

What I have come to know, is that love unites us in His righteousness.  When we love God first, we yearn to do His will, to be like Him in all that we do.  We are kind and forgiving; we have integrity and character.  When we seek God first, we act in accordance with His intentions for our lives which is rooted in honor and respect for those He has given to us to love.

The ways of the world are always in conflict with the ways of God.  The world will celebrate a culture of “anything goes.”  It tells us that being “happy” should be defined by feelings, fun and getting ahead of someone else.  It rejoices in vindication and it breeds contempt.  There are seemingly no rules.  Sin is exalted.

We know that the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy what God has given us.  It’s a force that is constantly at work.  Everyday, it claims victories in causing good men and women to go astray in big and little ways.

I wish that I could answer why.  I wish that I could explain that some of us are fortified in breaking hearts and others of us are caused to have to endure them.

All I know is that God has us.  I know that He works all things out for our good.  Our stories are always evolving, shaping, and molding us into the people we are intended to be.  We are created to love, even when others do what is contrary to us.  As God is our defender, He will bring us to our new season where the hurts are mended and healed and we are loved in the manner He desires for us.

He will.  I promise you.

I know the heaviness that comes with a broken heart.  God wants for us to stand under the umbrella of His Grace.  He wants for us to guard what He has placed within us and to not act out in retribution or offense.  He wants us to pray for those that have hurt us and let Him take it from there.

Trust me, I know that this is a difficult thing to to.

Be fortified in knowing that nothing escapes God.  He knows what we are going through at all times.  Though we may feel like we are in the fire, know that there is a purpose for it.  It is transforming us, refining us, and bringing us to something good.

From this side of your experience, you can hardly imagine saying that what you are going through will be “worth it.” I have lived long enough to know that somehow it will be.  It has to be.  God is going to make it right.  He just always does.

Love never fails.  It doesn’t.  People fail in living a loving life.  And though that often brings pain and suffering, stand in knowing that - even in our hurts - God is at work.

Better days ahead. 

The Other Side of the Fence

I love being in my yard, mowing, trimming bushes, edging… It’s a rush for me, after a long morning working outside, to look from the end of my driveway and see progress.  For just a day or two, things look pretty nice.  Nearly perfect.

The truth is, my lawn could use some work.  Weeds and crabgrass have overtaken more than I would like to admit.  Sprigs of wild things that I cannot possibly name shoot up from beneath my neatly arranged pine straw faster than I can chop them.  The wind comes, bringing with it lots of presents that plop themselves upon my paved areas and remind me that - no matter how hard I try - I will never be able to prevent the inevitable.  It’s futile.  Life is fluid and nothing stays in it’s place for long.

Comparison is an ugly ploy that causes us to look over the fences of our lives and think that somehow, someway, other people have found the secret formula.   Their lawns are perfectly groomed.  Their walkways don’t have unruly things growing in the cracks.  Just ours.  We, therefore, must be the only incompetent loons on the street. 

Despite my every effort, I am never going to be given my own show on HGTV.  I will never win a Green Thumb Award of any kind. People are not going to drive slowly by my house, their mouths agape at my blooming anything.  It’s just not going to happen.

That doesn’t mean that my yard, my life, is not beautiful.

We all have weeds, just some of us are better at keeping them plucked.  We manage somehow to get that trimming down to a regular schedule.  We fertilize and reseed and water appropriately.  We are outside at dusk, picking up branches that have fallen and adjusting the sprinklers so that they hit all the vital areas just right.

I’m not one of these.

Some people think that the other side of the fence has the answers. The grass is greener, the flowers more plentiful, the natural areas just more “natural” looking.   “If only,” they think… And - just like that - their minds make the leap.

This is a dangerous thing.

In big and little ways, comparison can kill all that is good in our lives.  When all we see is what we think others have - from greener grass, to shinier cars, to the people inside the houses we covet - we set ourselves up for unhappiness.  We dig a giant pit of despair and throw ourselves into it.  We succumb to the oldest game since Adam and Eve.  We bite the poison apple.

People are so willing at times to bail on their lives, to take all that they have and drag it to the curb because they believe that out there - down the street of life - they can find better.  They believe that what God has given them was from the clearance aisle and not from Home Beautiful.  So they run in search of something that they will never find.

God wants for us to stay planted, to stay blooming where we are in the rich soil of our lives. He is always pruning us where we need it. He is cultivating our talents and treasures and yanking out the weeds that have taken root.  He nourishes us with His word.  He wants us to see that He is doing a beautiful thing and that each season has it’s work to do.  

I don’t have all the answers for how to make my yard as beautiful as someone else’s.  All I know is that God has given me plenty on my side of the fence to work with.  

I know how easy it is to become discouraged when it seems more weeds than grass have overtaken you.  Keep at it.  Keep pulling.  Keep focused in knowing we all have imperfections and difficulties.  Trust God that He sees your efforts to tend to what He has put in your hands, your yard, and stop peeking over that fence. 

Work what you have and submit it all to His plans for you.

You, and your yard, are beautiful!

The Choice

Maybe it’s because I am getting older, but I’ve been thinking a lot these days about legacy.  It takes a life time to build and - by one simple choice - can come crashing down.  I want to leave something behind that is good; something that my kids will say “That’s who Mom was…” 

I have been reminded of late how foolish we can be with our words and actions, and the profound damage they can do.  People can be cruel.  Rather than empathy or apology, it’s expected that we will just “suck it up and deal with it.”  

Unfortunately, especially when it comes to the heart, it doesn’t work that way.

One of my all-time favorite quotes comes from Maya Angelou who said “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

The wisdom in these beautiful words rival King Solomon’s to the point that I think they should be added to Proverbs.  Seriously.

The problem is, I sometimes remember them too late.  The thought comes after I devolve into a snarky retort, firing off at someone that I love when they aren’t responding as I would like, or when they have disappointed me somehow.  I get stuck, ruminating on how they are making me feel and then triggering so that I nip them right back.

Not exactly turning the other cheek.

The truth is, it’s hard.  We live in an age when texting and Siri can communicate for us.  Add a little emoji and it’s like a cherry on top.  Everyone should be happy, right?

What Moses could have done with this technology!  He could have gone up the mountain and, just as a formality, God could have said to him,  “Hey Moses, check your inbox.  I just downloaded the Ten Commandments.” 

He didn’t though.  He did things the old fashioned way.  God wanted to make sure we got it down, even if it took Moses forty days and forty nights.  He wanted us to know that there are simple rules to guide us, and they are put there for our good.

There are no shortcuts when it comes to doing the right thing.  When we want to convey that we care about someone,  it takes time and the building of trust. True connection does not happen over wifi.  It happens when we demonstrate that our walk and our talk are congruent.  It happens when we are willing to make someone feel loved and appreciated at the risk of not having it given in return.

God cared enough to teach us that the best things in life come from the heart. We’re supposed to let it lead us.  Through our words and actions, people are supposed to see Him. We’re supposed to give to others the same grace and mercy that He gives to us. 

If only everyone would take the time to read the memo. 

I’ve had to remind myself of late, that there is never a reason good enough to break another’s heart, to cause someone to feel unworthy of respect, to devalue another in order to gain a perceived benefit.

Still, it happens to us all and, sadly, we can mess up and do the same to others. 

Solomon and Maya could both preach a thing or two on how shortsighted - how unwise - this can be.  

God would want us to know that when we disregard another, we disregard Him.  We are all God’s children.  We are all worthy of love, kindness, empathy and respect.  Sometimes the most broken among us are the ones who, by their treatment of us, signal something greater than our capacity to understand.  

We have a choice to make.  What do we want our legacy to be?  

I want to be mindful that my words and actions are not another person's fault.  They belong to me.  I am accountable.  And when someone hurts me, even though it doesn’t make me feel good, I have to give it to God and know that He already has that person in His sight.  He’s already got a plan to bring them back to Himself somehow. 

None of this is easy.  It requires a daily, constant reminder - especially when we are hurting - that God loves us and despite what things look like, because we’re His, we can rise above our feelings and keep walking in His ways.

If we keep this one, single thought before us, we will gain, not only grace, but wisdom.  We will feel His love even when it seems at times that others have little to give.  

That’s the legacy I want.

Along the Beach

By the time this post publishes, I will have turned the calendar once again, becoming a year older.  I am grateful for the blessings in my life; my family, my friends, all that God has placed in my hands to tend to.  My heart cannot contain all that I am thankful for.

I speak a lot about seasons because we are always in the midst of one; we are either being pruned or restored, positioned or removed, launching or being reset.  More than the number of candles on our cake, we can count the ways that God is growing us.  Even when we are in a season of loss - of opportunities, relationships, resources - He is reshaping us.  The journey is constant, and we row in the current of our faith trusting God to lead the way.

He is.  He always is.

Birthdays, for me, are always an event that causes me introspection.  I can’t help but look back, noticing all the ways my life has flowed together.  People tend to think that life “happens” to them, as if pushed together by random acts and incidences.  I choose to see God’s hand in all that has formed me; blessings and breakdowns, moments of great joy and sadness — all have His signature.  

Though I may not understand the reasons for many things, I can understand that He does.  As time moves on, the purpose is always revealed.

Every summer, when our children were young, we took a trip to the beach.  And, given my birthday is in August, this trip would often coincide with the celebration.  I loved these times.  Watching my four kids, like stair steps, digging in the sand, playing with their dad by the water’s edge, lapping up the waves with huge giggles and happy screams.  Joy spilled upon our family like the unabated sunshine.  These were glorious times.

As I always do around this time, I recall our trips to the beach.  Looking at my kids, now almost fully grown, I can’t help but still see their beautiful faces, young and tan and filled with happiness, frolicking around our beach blanket.  My memory has snap shots of their expressions.  My heart has recorded their sweet voices and they play on a loop inside my head.

Recently, I pulled from a box of my writings a poem that I had written, “Along the Beach,” exactly nineteen years ago on my birthday (The poem and the pic above are from the same trip.) It is a reminder for me of the constancy of life; of how every moment is connected to the next somehow.  We all have a legacy we are building, even in the smallest moments when we think no one is paying attention.

We must always know that God’s hand is touching, shaping and readying our hearts for what comes next.  Like the waves that come upon the shore, some will drench us with glee and others knock us down.  They will always come.  And He will always be there with us, like a good father, holding us up.

I am looking forward to a new year, a new chance to embrace what God is doing in my midst. He is a God of great grace and mercy. He renews our spirit. And, no matter the lessons the one before it brought,  there is always promise in the season ahead.  

Thank You, Lord, for these moments in my life.  They were precious and beautiful.  Thank You also for all that are to come.

Whatever you are facing in your season, know that God’s got you

"Along the Beach"

When I walk with you 

along the beach

Next year

Your hands will be bigger 

within my own

Your voices deeper

We all be a little older

and wiser

And someday

Blessed by God times many years

When my own hands 

Are not so strong

Or my step as light

You will love me ~ Still

For all the times

When I walked with you

along the beach

Copyright Mary A Bryant

When Joy Goes Missing

Healing is a process that affects us across the spectrum of our lives - emotionally, physically and spiritually.  We are down for the count, knocked to the tarp by a punch that renders us weakened and dazed.  It takes all we have just to stand.

In my progress, finding my way through the muck and mire of this season I am in, it’s not difficult for me to look for and perceive lack.   Whether it is in my natural countenance to be optimistic, my struggle to project my new identity into my life situations, or just in being still in knowing He is working things out, I sometimes feel a void.  I wonder if I am strong enough.  I wonder if my endurance is up for the task.

I think at times we all can feel like this.  We feel beaten down by the cacophony of words spoken over us, of circumstantial reminders that say we are in this fight on our own.  All of this registers on the scale of how we measure our life outlook.  If in no other way, I think the greatest, most glaring indicator of our angst, is in how we measure our joy.

We know, certainly, when joy is present. Life just seems to be going our way.  When it is in full bloom, we can take on any problem, any situation, empowered by the essence that we are engaged in a season where love and happiness fulfill us.  We are downright invincible when we have congruency in our relationships, our life expectations, our passion for those we love and for our dreams.  

Joy is the catalyst that ignites our souls.  When it is missing, life casts many shadows.

The absence of joy breeds fear.  It breeds loneliness, hopelessness, faithlessness.  Everything looks stark.  Everyone seems to have what we do not.  We feel lifeless.

If God is good — and He is — then how can we feel so disconnected from Him and the promises that He has made with us?  How can we feel as though joy has left us, never to return again?

I have wondered often in this place, crushed by how low my spirit can feel, what God could possibly want to teach me.  How could my journey be littered by so many broken pieces of myself, when others, less faithful, seem to be reaping whatever this world would offer them? How is it they can look so downright joyful?

I believe that the absence of joy has a purpose.  Like a famine or a drought, we must endure it so that we are made ready, eager for it’s replenishment.  Our eyes are cast to the horizon, looking for that cloud; we are hardened in our resolve to wait on Him.

One of lessons that I am learning, as I notice others walking hand in hand, babies in shopping carts, whole families gathered together laughing in a restaurant, is that I appreciate so much more what in the past I may have taken for granted.   I had these simple pleasures once.  I was once overflowing in these blessings.

Even if they look a little different, I will have them again.  And so will you. 

God is not cruel.  I believe He is just working behind the curtain, readying the stage for the next scene that is coming in my life. 

When joy returns, when relationships are restored or we are blessed by new ones, we will not be so quick to discount the value that they are to us.  We will savor them, honor them, cherish them.  We will praise Him for these blessings, and they will fill our souls with light.  Because we have known its absence, we will celebrate greatly its return.  

“Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30: 5  

Keep your resolve strong and your feet steady.  You will taste the blessings of joy again, and you will savor it, drinking it deeply in.

Keep your eyes on the horizon.  Whatever you are going through is a season, not the end of your story.  Be joyful in knowing He has it all worked out.  

Get ready for it.  Morning is coming! 

I Can See it Now

It’s hard looking ahead when we what feel is uncertainty.  We want to believe in the better days to come.  We want to be optimistic, entrusting our core beliefs to help us envision outcomes that correspond with our faith.  We want to stop looking in the rearview mirror and anticipate a new, brighter tomorrow.

Ah, if only we could download an app for that. 

I am the first one to tell someone what I honestly believe and sense for them.  I feel that God has given me a perspective that enables me to perceive a knowing that He is working things out, that He is weaving an outcome in another’s situation that is always for their good.   This is not hard given what we know He promises us all.  Whether its a healing, a new job, a simple resolution to a complex problem, the testimonies are endless.

So why is it sometimes difficult to see in my own life situations?

I think we all can walk by faith, but our sight at times becomes circumspect.  We buffer our expectations because we don’t want to be disappointed.  We want to hope for the best, but we are girded by our experiences.  We are tempered by hurt and by others who have let us down.  In short, we are conditioned to believe that things work out for others, just not us.

I’m sure that I am not the only one who has felt at times that life has been more like a Whack a Mole experience rather than a day at the beach.  

I try hard to catch myself, to replace feelings of doubt and lowered expectations with what I know God wants for me.  Sometimes, I can intercept the spiral, and replace the slide into the abyss with a quick reminder that God is not man, He is God.  He will not leave me nor forsake me.  He’s got my back.

The truth is, we all drag around a gunnysack of reasons why things may not be optimal in our lives.  This can be heavy, burdensome.  They can skew our perception of what is ahead because we want to account for a margin of error just so we won’t get our hopes up too much.   What if God is too busy to get all the details of our situation worked out?  What if He is able to deliver us part of the way, and expects us to figure the rest out as we go?

That’s not how God works.

James 1:6 says, “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed like the wind.  That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” 

I believe that God wants us always to be rooted deeply in a vision that He has the best for us.  He doesn’t want us to discount our expectations of how He is going to work out situations, provide for us in the face of difficulty, mend us in all our broken places.  

Doubt, resignation, and melancholy are seeds planted by the enemy.  These are weeds in the garden of our faith sown through our hurts and disappointments.   None of these are of God.

We must constantly be sensitive to the ploy of thinking anything other than God’s best for us.  It doesn’t matter what our situations look like, He has a plan.  It doesn’t matter how desperate what we are going through feels.  He’s surrounding us, holding us up, defending us.

We need to replace our meager expectations with knowing God is almighty and able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can hope for or imagine.

That is the truth.

Be no longer bound by a spirit that would have you think God would offer you less than His very best. 

The next time doubt creeps into the vision you have for your tomorrow, raise your sights and believe what is coming is better than good.

Can you see it now? 

The Consequence

I have always taught my kids that that there is a consequence to everything we do.  Good or bad, how we act, the decisions we make, the way we choose to speak about something or someone, creates an impact of some sort.

To be honest, it was easier when they were little.  I could explain to them that when they decided to not take care of their belongings, they got lost.  Or if they failed to put their best effort into studying for a test, they would not always get the grade they wanted.  And, on the good side, how being kind, honest or empathic would have the consequence of character that would always come back to them.

It’s a bit harder now.

My kids, for the most part, are grown.  Two of my four will soon be married.  This is, in itself, a consequence of raising them with unconditional love so that they can offer and be the kind of loving people that will continue paying that forward.  

Still, the water can be murky. 

There have been things that have happened that have shaken the tree of unconditionality and consequence.  Not that they should question their worthiness of love; nor have the principals that they were raised by changed.  It’s just that life has a way of dealing us blows that cause us to wonder how we can get so off track.  

Perhaps the hardest lesson of consequence, is the one that comes when others make choices that hurt us.

It’s important, I think, whether you are eight or eight-eight, to stand in knowing that what we do, how we act, and what we say, always will affect others.  Our character is not negotiable; it’s difficult to justify when we know we are out of line.  Like a pebble dropped in the middle of a lake, a ripple can become a wave that can be seen from the shore.

The truth is, consequences change us.  They make us steadfast or unsteady.  They heal us or wound.  They plant us in good soil or shallow.  They cause us to draw closer to God or to the world.  The choice is always ours.

These words are swirling the Spirit, trying to extract the golden thread in the vast tapestry of our lives.  We are taught this lesson over and over again without our even realizing it.  

Everything is connected.  Everything.

Good or bad, we have to understand that what “is not a big deal,” usually is.  That “everybody does it,” is a lie.  That “people deserve to be happy,”  usually means somebody has stopped being who they should be.  And that what the world celebrates as okay to do, oftentimes is exactly what God would tell us we shouldn’t.

When we are confused, when we doubt, when we question what is right from wrong, God has a solution for us.   If we look to Him, if we listen to our instincts, if we weigh what we know He would want for us to do or be,  we will sense Him pointing the way.

Too often we replace God’s will with our own.  In big and little things, consequences come that change the landscape of our lives.

We can’t avoid consequences, either those of our own making or those of others.  All we can do is stand in knowing that somehow, someway, God is going to use what we go through to either teach us something or teach others that though their actions brought us harm, He is going to turn it around for our good.

Be mindful of every little thing you do and say.  Everything is connected. Just keeping this in perspective will always help us to do what is right, even when it’s hard. 

Easier Said Than Done

Of all that we have to do in our day, from our work, to going to the grocery store, to the myriad of things we do and are responsible for others, there is that nagging “other” list that begs our attention. You know the one — the one that has the things we know we have to tend to but just are not sure where to start.

Begin a regime to eat healthy.  Mend a broken relationship.  Change an undesirable habit… Whatever it is, there is always an impulse - a pressure - to take direction in some aspect of life that requires the breaking of new ground. There are a lot of things on this list that silently bounce inside our heads, plaguing us with overwhelm and the constant question of “how.”

There is a song from the old animated children’s Christmas show, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” starring Mickey Rooney and Keenan Wynn.  The song, “Put One Foot in Front of the Other” is a classic, and has stuck with me all my life.  I could not possibly recount how many times I have recited this song, either to myself or to my kids, as a reminder that taking one step forward and then another will soon have us “walking ‘cross the floor.” 

It’s just that sometimes things aren’t so easy.

There are situations in our lives that seem so overwhelming, so complex, that we often find ourselves looking at our feet, willing one of them to move, but they feel stuck.  We know we need to take a step.  We know that we want to.  But doing so is easier said than done.

What is that thing for you?

For me, I can safely say it is letting go of a relationship that was intended to be forever.  It is in the rebuilding of my life, my family, that looks in no way the same as I had envisioned it.  The steps I need to make are not unlike the feeling of learning how to walk all over again.  They are shaky.  And sometimes, I still fall.

Thankfully, God knows this.  And just like we do when our babies are taking their first steps, He holds out His hands and beckons us forward.  He encourages us, “You can do this!” And He lets us know that He is there to catch us.  

When the Israelites crossed the Jordan, behind them were decades of living in the desert.  They had gotten used to this life. Egypt was only a distant memory.  There was a whole generation buried in the sand that they were connected to.  Despite the good things that God promised were in the land ahead of them,  I imagine that their feet felt stuck at the edge of the river, not certain how to cross into it.

We can only truly grow when we move.   

God wants us to cross the uncertain places of our lives with Him in view.  He will make a way where there is no way.  He will stop the flow of the river so that we can safely move across it.  He knows that this is not always easy, but He promises that it can be done.

What is behind us is always hard to let go of.  Hurts, blessings, memories, broken dreams… But what is ahead, is where new life is. 

Perhaps the thing that you know you need to take a step towards is a new opportunity, a new healing, a new expectation that replaces an old way of thinking.

Whatever it is, know that God’s got you.  Know that if He is calling you towards it, He has already made for you a place to land and it is good. 

Good things, hard things, are accomplished when we trust that God is with us in them.  

Take a step, and then another.  “And soon you’ll be walking out the door.”  

Going to the Dogs

If you’re a country music fan, you have no doubt heard many a tune about the friend that sticks closer than a brother.  I’m talking here about the four-legged kind.  Who doesn’t love a dog that lays at your feet and gives such unconditional love and affection?  A little scratch behind the ears and he is good.

I was thinking about this, holding up our own family dog, Jake, as a pretty good example of what loyalty looks like.  He’s cute, doesn’t mind too much that he gets the same food day in and day out, is excited when I come home, and sleeps along side my bed.  An occasional bath and a clipping, and he is good to go anywhere.

I don’t want to sound obsessed.  I don’t want to come across as though, if nothing else were to change in my life, I would be perfectly happy hanging with my dog on a Saturday night, sipping  a glass of wine, reminiscing about that time we walked along an especially happy trail and all was well with the world.

But it’s tempting.

We’ve all heard the term, “Men can be such dogs.”  Before you guys stop reading, know that - yes - it can be disparaging to say.  But it also - honestly - is a complement.

There are dogs who break their proverbial chains, chasing after the scent of some critter or neighbor’s BBQ.   Others will run away and never find their way back.  Some are just unruly, hard to train, and pass way too much gas. For one reason or another, its not hard to find them in the dog house from time to time.

There are the other kinds too. The gentle yet protective type, who follow you with their eyes and wag their tails when we speak sweet gibberish and they act is if they know exactly what we are saying.  They love us.  They would never leave us for a better, younger looking alpha owner around the block.  And since we all have bad days sometimes, they don’t mind if we occasionally scold them.  Best of all, they stay.

There are good dogs and bad dogs.  And regardless of the ones we get, we love them.  We want to keep them well fed and are grateful for their companionship and what they add to our lives.

I know it seems like a stretch, but my prayers for my new season are not unlike what I appreciate most about Jake.  

I want someone who is loyal, predictable, who doesn’t mind that the recipes of my cuisine may get a little boring.  I want someone who will allow me to have a bad moment or two, put my arms around his neck and let me cry.  I want someone who makes me laugh when I talk to him and his head turns to follow my conversation just like Jake's does when words like “walk” and “ride” and “leash” come into it.

I want someone to love me unconditionally.

I wonder sometimes, if God gives us these wonderful fur babies because He wants us to be reminded of Him, especially during our difficult seasons.  

No, I am not saying that God is a dog.  I am saying that just like our faithful canines, He will not  forsake us.  He loves us unconditionally.  All He wants is to walk along with us, keeping His eyes on us and defending us should any danger come.  He is faithful.

Proverbs 12:10 says that “A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal.”  I’m pretty sure that means its okay to hold our pets close to our hearts.  

I am grateful for Jake.  And though I am not always perfect, sometimes running low on treats, or just too busy to get in that walk, he loves me anyway.

So here’s to the dogs we know and love.  And to God who created them, “Thank You.”

Sometimes, all we need is a little lick to our face to remind us that we are loved in this world.

What are you doing here?

The urge to run is so tempting, isn’t it?

We get fed up.  We think about all the reasons why throwing up our hands and and simply giving into the temptation to go away somewhere to bury our feet - and our heads - in the sand seems warm and inviting. 

Elijah had such an experience.  He was discouraged, fearful, and weary after giving his all to everything God had for him to do.  Instead of a beautiful beach, Elijah’s fleeing took him under a broom tree and then to a cave.  There, he told the Lord to take his life, wanting only to lay down and not wake up again.

After all the miracles that God had used Elijah to perform, from bringing life back to the dead to calling down fire in front of the prophets of Baal, he was dejected and alone.  He was running, not to God, but away from Him.

Thankfully, God kept His eye on him.  No matter how far he would roam, Elijah could not outrun God.

We think we can though, don’t we?  When it all gets too much, when we are battered by  storms or discouraged, the thought of just lying down under a tree and getting off the grid sounds so appealing.  Add a fancy drink with a little umbrella, and certainly everything would look a whole lot better.  Right?

Such escapes only lead us so far.  At some point, we have to sit up, wipe our eyes, shake the dirt out of our sandals, and make a decision.  Are we going to stay there, disengaged and the only attendee at our party of pity, or are we going to stand up and face the music?  

“What are you doing here, Elijah?” 

God was trying to say to him, haven’t I shown you My power?  Haven’t you seen what I can do?   Haven’t you called upon Me and watched Me answer your prayers like rain drenching the earth?  You should know better.

We should know better too.

Where is your broom tree?  Is it at the mall?  Is it in going out, seeking friends in places where you know that God is not a patron of?  Is it filling your senses with false idols, caring more how you look to others on social media than how you are to those closest to you?  What are you hiding under?

I have lived long enough to know that hiding, though compelling at times, only deepens our sadness, our dejection, even more.  We think we can assume a new persona, a new set of friends, a new swag of some sort that will mask our fears and find an acceptance that will assuage our deepest longings.  The world is full of false prophets.  

God is always going to call to us, “What are you doing here?”  

He wants for us to get real.  He wants for us to remember all the times He has answered our needs, our prayers; all the times he has protected us in our hurts.  He understands why we run when the going gets a little tough. But He wants to show us that He is in control.  

In the whisper of the wind, He is telling us something.  He is telling us to stand.  His power is within us, not out there in the world.  He wants us to trust Him. 

Sometimes, I too want to crawl up into a ball and give up.  I too know the feeling of being alone.  But you’re not.  We are never, ever alone despite how hard things are.

He is calling you to get up, to wash your face, and know that He is in the fight with you.

Whatever you are facing is not too big for God.  

He’s whispering to you now.  Can you hear it?  “I’ve got this.” 

He does.

What's in my Hands

When our resources are waning, whatever they are, it’s so very easy to feel the wet blanket of burden weighing us down in every aspect of our lives.  We carry it with us, dragging it around, and it affects our countenance.  Whether physically, emotionally, or fiscally, when we are challenged, it can show on our faces and in our dispositions.

We worry how we will meet our obligations, make good on our commitments, and support those who depend upon our strength, our leadership, and our endeavors to provide.  

We seek the well that won’t run dry, as if one actually exists in this world.  It doesn’t.

The truth is, we are always wanting or needing something.  Whether it is material provision or just the answer to a prayer for others that they will find theirs. We lay before the Lord our petitions in faith that He will answer them. 

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Too often I can feel like the woman with the little bit of oil who, after using it up, feared that there would be no more for her and family.  The prophet Elijah assured her otherwise, and through her faith, her jar of oil did not go empty. 

I have to ask myself… what do I have that I hold on too tightly rather than using it in the faith that He will provide more?  More than monetarily, how about in the grace that I need to extend to someone who has hurt me?  Or in the patience that I need while waiting on God to work out a solution to a hardship?  

When I shift from focusing on what I don’t have enough of, I can see what is already in my hands.   I dole out what I have and ask that God will multiply it, spreading it along the ground like seed in good soil.  I pray for His blessings upon it that somehow, someway it will be enough.

And though I can never explain how, it just always is.  

He is always making a way.  He is forever causing my jar of oil to replenish in the ways I need Him to, no matter how deficient my situation may feel at the time.

I believe that this is how we stay connected to the source of His provision.  When we look to God expectantly, knowing that He will multiply our efforts, our little bit of oil mixed with faith, He turns on a spigot that enables us to make our daily bread.   

Having our storehouse overfilled with abundance would be a wonderful thing.  And someday, perhaps we will know this.  But dependence on God and knowing that He will provide for us, heal us, sooth us when hurts come to knock us down, is the essence to persevering in righteousness.  

Know where your help comes from.  God has an unlimited supply of everything you need.

May your hands and heart be always open to receive what He has in store.

No matter what you are facing, trust God, stand in faith, and your oil will not run dry.

In Search of a King

I’ll admit it.  There are days when I feel I am merely coasting, trying to get by; downright uninspired by the things that I must do to keep my responsibilities and life humming along.  I think times like these happen to all of us on occasion. 

What is dangerous for me, is how easily I can get off track.  My mind and thoughts wander.  I get distracted in thinking that a little excitement would do me some good — I compare my circumstances against others and wonder at my predicaments, frustrated.

I fail to see that everyone has some sort of silent battle going on in their heads. Everyone. 

After arriving in the Promised Land, the people of Israel had a similar situation.  They were bored.  They looked around at all the other nations and envied them.  Instead of God, they wanted a man to lead them.  Going  to Samuel, they pleaded their case.  “Appoint a king to lead us, such as all the nations have.” 

Samuel warned the people that such a move would enslave them, not empower them.  But they persisted and Saul was made king.

When things are not happening fast enough, when in “God’s time” feels like an eternity, I search my thoughts and ways that I can perhaps hurry Him up a bit.  I contemplate how I can instigate a situation, influencing a response that will make my new season come faster.  Rather than letting God lead me, I look for a man who I think may want the job.  

What reigns, is only disappointment.

When we discount what God has given us, ready to trade it all for what’s behind another curtain, another door, we sin.   We bargain and negotiate with God, unsettled by our circumstances.   We focus on how our situations are imperfect, rather than seeing how He is working in them.

Certainly, God wants good things for us.  He wants to bless us, bless our relationships, to lift us up and grow us so that we may in turn give Him praise.  He wants for our lives to be a testimony to His Kingship, not the world’s.  

God knew that the Israelites were rejecting Him.  He knew that their  seeking a worldly king would take their eyes off what He wanted for them.  They were willing to make the trade.

When I wallow in my own lament, I find myself wishing for something that will fill what may be a temporary void in my life.  I might even question if God is fully aware of my difficulties, and think I need to do something to hasten Him responding to my plight.  

But this never works.  

God knows what is best for us.  When we turn from Him, we think that we are gaining the excitement of something new.  Instead, we become trapped by the very thing we think will bring us pleasure or happiness.  It is short-sighted and always leads to sin.  It always ends up harming us more than we can imagine. 

People who leave the path of righteousness, who intentionally hurt others through their selfish ways and decisions, who seek the world’s approval over God’s, find themselves becoming slaves to a master that will never be satisfied.  Though they yearn for something more, they exchange their souls for less. 

It’s okay that we feel from time to time as though life is not perfect.  It’s not.  

As with all things, bring it before Him, pouring out your expectations and desires.  Ask Him to open your eyes and reawaken the parts within that have fallen in unbelief.  He is leading you to better days. He wants for us exceedingly and abundantly more that we can hope for or imagine. 

God desires that we seek Him first in all things.  He is always listening.

He is our King.